


What Dreams May Come

by slf630



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Chris Evans, Bottom Sebastian Stan, Condoms, First Time, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Hayley Atwell is a good bro, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of panic and anxiety attacks, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, RPF, Rimming, Scarlett Johansson is a good bro, Schmoop, Switching, Top Chris Evans, Top Sebastian Stan, probably an over-usage of petnames, so much fluff and schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:58:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18822490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slf630/pseuds/slf630
Summary: Chris honestly doesn’t even know when it happened exactly.His best guess is at some point between late-night shoots and stupidly early call times, between press tours and premiers, things changed so gradually, so organically, that he didn’t even notice it.





	What Dreams May Come

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at an Evanstan fic. A million thanks to my wonderful friend Andie for talking this through with me and reading it over. You're the best. :)
> 
> Un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine.

Chris honestly doesn’t even know when it happened exactly.  
  
His best guess is at some point between late-night shoots and stupidly early call times, between press tours and premiers, things changed so gradually, so organically, that he didn’t even notice it. At least until he talks to Hayley.  
  
She calls two weeks before they’re set to start shooting _The Winter Soldier_. She’s going to be in New York in a few days and figured it was close enough to Boston that Chris could come down and meet her so they can hang out and catch up before shooting starts. It sounds great – Hayley’s freaking _awesome_ and he isn’t doing anything right now anyway – and he agrees easily. Then she continues.  
  
“And since we’ll practically be right in his backyard, we should see if Sebastian is available as well.”  
  
_That_ is the point that Chris figures out what’s been missing, why he’s felt so off-center and lonely, more anxious than usual. Finally noticing that there is a distinct Sebastian-shaped hole in his life, his _heart_.  
  
He knows Hayley doesn’t mean anything _more_ by the suggestion, just figures that the three of them got along so well that it’d be nice to catch up. She’s not wrong, not at all. But Chris’ sudden epiphany makes him hesitate, makes him wonder if she saw something he didn’t.  
  
“Chris? Darling?” Her warm accented-tone turns worried and Chris can merely grunt in response to let her know he’s still there. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I don’t know, Hales,” he rasps, his mouth running off without consent from his brain.  
  
“Goddamn… Bloody hell,” she grumbles and Chris can’t stop a small, involuntary smile. She cusses worse than just about anyone he knows. “I’m stuck here for a few more days… Fuck, I can’t get to you…”  
  
“Hayley.” She keeps muttering, mostly to herself from the sound of it. “Hayley!” Chris repeats, stronger, sounding more like himself. There’s the sound of something crashing, another heartfelt ‘ _fuck_ ’ from Hayley, but then she falls silent. “I didn’t mean… It’s not like you’re thinkin’.” Hayley huffs but thankfully remains quiet. “Really, Hales, I’m okay. I just…” he trails off, not sure how to even finish that thought.  
  
“You just what?” she asks predictably.  
  
“Hayley…” Chris sighs.  
  
“C’mon, talk to me,” she urges, soft, kind but firm.  
  
“I, uh, I think I might… have feelings…” he trails off again, unable to actually say the words.  
  
“For Sebastian.” It isn’t a question. Fuck. Obviously she _did_ figure it out before him. He grunts again. “Oh, Chris. I could have told you that ages ago, darling.”  
  
“Then why didn’t you?!”  
  
It’s ridiculous. _He’s_ ridiculous. He knows this.  
  
“Honestly, Chris,” she sighs. “You wouldn’t have listened to me if I _did_ tell you.” Again, she ain’t wrong. “This was, unfortunately, something you had to figure out for yourself.”  
  
“What the hell am I gonna do?” he breathes. This could be _so_ fucking bad, could fuck _so_ many things up.  
  
“Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you,” Hayley murmurs. After a short pause, she asks cautiously, “Do you not want to invite him?”  
  
They’re going to see each other in a few weeks. Maybe seeing him before that will help. Besides, now that the thought is there, going to New York and _not_ seeing Sebastian sounds like the worst idea in the world. Now that he knows for sure what’s been missing all this time, all he wants is to see him.  
  
“No, we should definitely invite him.”  
  
As he hangs up with Hayley, Chris hopes he hasn’t just made a huge freaking mistake.  
  
***  
  
Hayley calls Chris the morning that she’s flying into New York to let him know when she’ll be landing – he offers to pick her up at the airport, of course, but she declines – what restaurant to meet her at – he offers to meet at her hotel but again she declines – and that Sebastian agreed to her invitation. Chris doesn’t know what Hayley and Sebastian talked about, doesn’t ask. He’s been a distracted mess of jumbled nerves for days, simultaneously excited about seeing Sebastian and dreading seeing Sebastian. He barely resisted the nearly overwhelming urge to call and beg Scarlett and Mackie to come simply for the additional moral support.  
  
He can’t even remember the last time he was this hung up on someone, if ever. His mom or Scott would more than likely know but they don’t know about his feelings for Sebastian yet and now would be the worst time to tell them. Oh, he will, there’s no doubt about that – he tells them everything – but he doesn’t want to do it with a rushed phone call, his nerves raw and his anxiety swamping him. He doesn’t know what it is about Sebastian that gets to him like this. Now that he’s realized how he feels, looking back at their time filming _The First Avenger_ he understands his own behavior a lot more. He was so nervous and anxious, more than he’s ever been shooting any other movie, and at the time he chalked it all up to the pressure of following after the surprise success of _Iron Man_ and feeling like any success would depend on him as the lead. Then there was the remaining doubt he was still dealing with over the six picture contract that Marvel managed to talk him in to. He loved making the movie, of course, meeting Hayley and Sebastian, getting to work with Tommy Lee Jones and Hugo Weaving and all the other amazing actors and actresses but it was nerve wracking and he was sure he was going to fail, was going to buckle under the pressure and expectation. But now with the advantage of hindsight he can see that, while all that was true, a great deal of the stress and anxiety as well as the absolute pleasure, was about Sebastian and the way he slowly but steadily fell head over heals for him.  
  
He spent the two days between Hayley’s first call and the _big day_ thinking back over the last few years. At first, he tries to convince himself that what he’s feeling for Sebastian is just physical, merely some good old fashioned unresolved sexual tension. He remembers his first impression of Sebastian, remembers being ridiculously impressed with his acting and his commitment, his humor and his humility, his intelligence and his generosity. Without even taking his looks into account, Sebastian is an amazing person. The shallow part of Chris that he knows exists and isn’t entirely proud of was aware of nothing else aside from the fact that he’s so unfairly, stupidly _beautiful_. It took mere hours for Chris to realize that beauty is both inside and out. Which is why he can’t trick himself into thinking that this is anything close to being just about wanting to fuck a pretty boy. It’s so much more. It’s _everything_. He’s been in love before but this seems to transcend even that, even such an all-consuming word like love isn’t big enough to really express what he’s feeling.  
  
And it scares the hell out of him.  
  
***  
  
He waits for Hayley outside the restaurant.  
  
Despite the fact that he’s moved on from nervous, anxious and scared to slightly terrified and fighting the urge to run as far and fast in opposite direction as possible, he can’t help but smile when he sees her. She’s gorgeous, as always, a simple black dress clinging to every curve, soft, dark hair hanging in loose curls around her shoulders, chocolate-brown eyes glittering when she catches sight of him, blood-red lips pulled up into a beautiful, sunshine smile. If things were different he could see himself falling for her. As amazing as he’s sure that would be, he’s more grateful that she’s his friend.  
  
“Chris,” she murmurs as he pulls her into a hug. He closes his eyes and buries his face in the warm, sweet smelling curve of her neck, a bit of the tension seeping from his shoulders when she slides her fingers into his hair, palming the back of his head. For a few eternity-long seconds the urge to hide right where he is for the rest of the night overwhelms him. He tightens his arms around her, nearly lifting her off the ground. She scratches her fingernails against his scalp, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. “We can’t stay like this all night, darling. We’ll eventually draw a crowd.”  
  
He keeps his arms wrapped around her but pulls back enough to look into her eyes. “It’s _so_ good to see you,” he damn-near whispers, a sudden surge of emotion making his throat a bit tight.  
  
The hand she had on the back of his head moves to his face, cupping his cheek. He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks and her fingers gently scratching through his beard feels really good. “It’s good to see you too.” She leans up, brushes a sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. “Have you been inside?”  
  
“No,” he replies, wrinkling his nose and cringing when she quirks an eyebrow. He forces himself to let go of her but holds out his arm. She smiles and slides her arm around his, her fingers loosely gripping his bicep. “I was waiting for you,” he goes on as they head inside.  
  
“You mean you didn’t want to walk in here and see Sebastian by yourself,” she counters, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.  
  
“Have I ever told you how much I hate the fact that you’re always right?” he grumbles.  
  
The hostess leads them through the dining room to a back corner. Like the worst kind of cliché in some stupid Rom-Com, they round a corner and Chris sees Sebastian from across the room. Everything instantly disappears, the only reason his legs continue to move is because Hayley is mostly dragging him along. Sebastian looks up at the same time, their gazes locking – even from a distance he can easily see the beautiful steel-blue and it makes his heart race. Sebastian smiles and Chris forgets how to breathe. He’s just as unfairly beautiful as Chris remembers – he was stupidly hoping that maybe he’d remembered wrong, was exaggerating Sebastian’s beauty and his own reaction to him in his head – maybe even more so. He’s so focused on those eyes, that smile, really his whole face, that it takes a few long moments for him to notice Sebastian’s hair. It’s long, nearly brushing his shoulders and Chris damn-near swallows his own tongue. It’s so different and he’s surprised at how it changes his face considerably. He can admit that there are a few guys that pull it off well and he’s admired a few in the past – Hemsworth for one – but it’s usually not really his thing. But on Sebastian? _Fuck_. All he wants to do is sink his fingers into the long, dark strands and pretty much never, ever let go. Ever.  
  
Sebastian stands up when they reach the table, slides one arm around Hayley’s waist and presses a kiss to her cheek. Hayley lets go of Chris’ arm and he half-reaches out to grab it back, just barely catching himself in time. Even though he’s staring right at Sebastian – probably looking more than a bit like a deranged, creepy psychopath – but he completely misses whatever he says to Hayley. She laughs – a wonderful golden sound that Chris genuinely loves but right now kind of sounds like white noise with the way his heart is hammering in his chest and his blood is rushing in his ears. Everything comes snapping back into hyper-clear, painful detail when Hayley leans in and kisses Sebastian’s cheek, one hand carding through his hair.  
  
“Seb, darling, I simply _adore_ the new ‘do.”  
  
Sebastian chuckles softly, dips his head a little, the slightest blush creeping across his cheeks. “Thank you,” he replies quietly, shyly. Chris isn’t going to make it through a whole night with him, there’s just no way. Well, at least _he_ won’t be the one to have to explain his sudden demise to Marvel. Hopefully they make Hayley do it since she’s the horribly evil, amazingly terrific monster that suggested this dinner. “It, uh, wasn’t really my idea,” Sebastian goes on, his attention fully on Hayley. Chris is grateful, it gives him a chance to try and get his shit together, however vain the attempt might be. As well as stare openly without getting caught, at least for a few more minutes. “Feige suggested it. Just another way to show how different this Bucky is from who he used to be, how he used to look, ya know?”  
  
Kevin must have also wanted Sebastian to pack on some more muscle as another way to show just how different Bucky is now because Chris can tell, even through his clothes, that Sebastian is definitely more built than he was during _The First Avenger_.  
  
Chris kind of wants to kill Kevin yet also wants to thank him.  
  
“Well, whatever the reason, you look amazing,” Hayley says then turns to look at Chris. “Doesn’t he, Chris?”  
  
He wants to add Hayley to the list Kevin’s on.  
  
Before Chris can even think of something to say that doesn’t sound stupid or like he’s hopelessly in love – not possible, he has no _clue_ what to say – those steel-blue eyes turn to him. He may be imagining it, more than likely is, but he swears Sebastian’s cheeks flush a little darker. “Hey, Chris,” Sebastian murmurs.  
  
Hayley discreetly nudges Chris’ ribs with her elbow. Chris jerks and pastes on a smile, pulls Sebastian into a quick hug. He’s honest-to-God trembling when he pulls back. “She’s totally right, as always,” Chris somehow manages to say, glancing at Hayley but his eyes instantly snap back to Sebastian’s, “you look good, Seb.” He’s so stupidly, irrationally proud of himself for actually stringing together a sentence _and_ doesn’t sound like a bumbling, stammering idiot. Although ‘good’ is a huge understatement. Sebastian looks… Fuck, there aren’t words.  
  
Chris is thankful that the manners his mom drilled into his head all his life don’t require actual brain function. He’s on total auto-pilot as he pulls out a chair for Hayley, both he and Sebastian taking their own seats once she’s settled.  
  
If he wasn’t the one this was happening to, Chris would enjoy the hell out of sitting back and watching some other poor bastard struggling to remember how to behave as a normal human being.  
  
This should be one hell of an interesting night, to say the least. If he survives, that is.  
  
***  
  
Within the first five minutes of the three of them sitting down Chris knows for a fact that he’ll never be able to repay Hayley for being so fucking amazing. She pretty much carries the conversation all by herself, giving Chris a chance to once again try to get his shit together. He’s a bit more successful this time; his heart isn’t pounding quite as hard and he has remembered how to breathe and his brain is actually, _mostly_ , functioning like normal. He’s thankful for even the smallest of accomplishments at this point.  
  
After about a half hour, Chris starts to relax. He’s still overly aware of Sebastian, every word, every move, hell, every breath – he knows without a doubt that he’d be aware of every heartbeat if he was close enough to hear them – but he doesn’t feel _quite_ as much like a love-sick, bumbling idiot. They order drinks and food between reminiscing and catching up and it’s so much fun even though Chris can’t _completely_ unwind. At first, the temptation to get blind drunk was strong but, while it’ll certainly relax him, it could complicate things in so many other ways. He’s already a very affectionate, tactile person when he’s stone-cold sober but drunk Chris is even worse and has very little brain to mouth filter. So he sticks with one beer then one glass of wine with his meal. All in all, it’s definitely for the best.  
  
After their plates are cleared away, Hayley leans back in her seat, pretty eyes glittering as she smiles at him and Sebastian. “It’s truly a shame that I only have the one scene,” she sighs around a slight pout. She’s had several glasses of wine. Chris is glad that her hotel is literally right across the street so he’ll be able to walk her there and make sure she’s safely in her room at the end of the night.  
  
“Now, that’s not true,” Sebastian counters quietly, his eyes glittering nearly as much as Hayley’s. Fuck, how did he end up with such exceptionally gorgeous co-stars?  
  
Hayley raises her eyebrows, her head tilted to the side a bit. “I read the scrip, darling,” she replies. “There’s just the scene where Steve comes to visit me.”  
  
“You’re forgetting ‘bout the video from the museum,” Chris points out, sharing a brief grin with Sebastian. He’s so pretty Chris could cry. Sebastian nods in agreement, absently waves a hand toward Chris.  
  
“Pfft,” Hayley huffs, shaking her head. “That _barely_ counts.” She sighs again, reaches over and grabs Chris’ hand, laces their fingers together. “I’ll be on set a matter of hours.” She turns to look directly at Chris. “Who’s going to make sure you stay out of trouble?”  
  
Chris laughs, shakes his head. “Even if you were in every scene, on set every day, _you_ definitely wouldn’t be the one keepin’ us outta trouble, Hales.”  
  
“Of course I would!” she huffs, eyes wide, her free hand pressing against her chest in obvious fake offense.  
  
“You were the one that got us _into_ trouble more than half the time,” Sebastian states, flashing Chris another grin.  
  
“Man’s got a point, beautiful,” Chris says, trying his best to hold back another laugh.  
  
Hayley huffs again, turns her attention to Sebastian. “I see how it is, you two ganging up on me.” Then she turns back to Chris. “And _you_ … I’m not even going to _start_. You’re supposed to be on my side.”  
  
“Sorry, Hayley,” Sebastian murmurs, huffing out an obviously fake sigh of sympathy. “Gonna have to steal Chris from ya this time.”  
  
Chris’ heart slams _hard_ against his rib cage and he _just barely_ stops himself from blurting out something ridiculously cheesy – as well as damning, unexplainable, odd and completely uncalled for – about already being Sebastian’s so there’s no need to steal him from Hayley.  
  
Hayley hums and shoots a quick glance Chris’ way. She’s pretty tipsy but luckily she seems to be able to control herself – and her mouth – better than Chris can.  
  
“All joking aside, I am going to miss spending more time with you two,” she says softly. “We had a lot of fun together.”  
  
“We’ll miss you, too, Hales,” Chris murmurs, leans over and presses a kiss to her cheek. “But just ‘cause you only have the one day on set doesn’t mean that you can’t hang around for a few days.”  
  
“Mmm,” she hums with a smile. “That’s true.” She gently squeezes Chris’ hand where their fingers are still linked together. “Well, my sweet boys, I’m going to call it a night.”  
  
By unspoken agreement, Chris and Sebastian leave with her. She turns to Chris once they’re outside the restaurant, a million questions and things she obviously wants to say swirling in her eyes. With Sebastian standing right there with them, of course she can’t get in to any of it. She leans up and presses a kiss to Chris’ cheek. “I’ll call you,” she says softly.  
  
Chris glances quickly at Sebastian, can tell he feels the same as Chris about just letting her leave on her own. “C’mon, Hales, I’ll walk you to your hotel.”  
  
“ _We’ll_ walk you,” Sebastian cuts in, flashing Chris a soft but slightly tentative smile. Chris smiles back and nods.  
  
“You don’t have to,” Hayley counters, naturally. “I’m literally staying right across the street.”  
  
“Then we’ll walk you to your room,” Chris amends. No matter how much she argues there’s no way he’s going to change his mind. She should really know that by now.  
  
For a few seconds it looks like she’s gearing up to argue. Instead she huffs a sigh through her nose and rolls her eyes but once again takes the arm Chris offers her. Sebastian is on her other side, oddly silent as they cross the street and head into the hotel. He’s been pretty talkative all night until now and Chris wonders if he’s just tired or if something is wrong – the anxious, paranoid part of him is convinced that there was something _he_ did wrong, that Sebastian isn’t talking because he doesn’t like Chris and is ready to get rid of him as soon as Hayley isn’t with them; Chris _hates_ that part, that little voice that’s always there no matter what.  
  
True to their word – or well, to _Chris’_ word – they take Hayley right to the door of her suite. She hugs and kisses them in turn, shares one last brief but weighted look with Chris before letting herself into her room. The hallway is empty, the silence between him and Sebastian so loud that it makes Chris’ heart beat faster, his stomach twisting unpleasantly. Thankfully, after just a few seconds – Chris _knows_ it’s a matter of seconds even though, to him, it kind of feels like hours – Sebastian turns to face him, a soft, beautiful smile curling up his lips. “My apartment isn’t far,” he starts quietly. Even though Chris is pretty sure he’s wrong he swears that he can see at least some of what he’s feeling reflecting back at him from Sebastian’s eyes. “You wanna… come over, have a beer or something, keep talking?”  
  
Chris _should_ say no. All of his emotions are too close to the surface, the hours that he’s already spent in Sebastian’s presence playing hell on his heart. He didn’t think it was even possible but all tonight did was make him fall even more in love with Sebastian. His idea that seeing Sebastian before filming would make things easier is laughable. In the interest of self-preservation he should politely decline and get himself a room for the night then head back home tomorrow. He could be setting himself up for, at best, failure or at worse, heartbreak. Without Hayley between them as a sort of buffer, he has no idea what will happen. He shouldn’t put himself through this, shouldn’t put Sebastian through… what may or may not happen.  
  
But despite _all_ of that, he _can’t.  
  
_“Yeah, sounds great,” he hears himself reply. Sebastian’s smiles gets bigger, brighter, impossibly more beautiful, his eyes crinkling at the corners and his nose scrunching up adorably. There is very little Chris can think of that he wouldn’t do to be the one making Sebastian smile like that for the rest of forever. He wants to rip out his still beating heart and lay it at Sebastian’s feet.  
  
He is so, _so_ screwed.  
  
***  
  
Despite the initial offer of a beer, when they get to Sebastian’s apartment they both end up just having a bottle of water. The thought of a bit of liquid courage is even more appealing than it was at dinner but his reasons then still apply, even more so really, considering they’re alone.  
  
Sebastian is sitting facing Chris, one bent leg on the couch, not even a full cushion between them, telling him a story about one of their many late-night shoots, how nobody could actually get through a single take because it was nearly 3 AM and they were all so tired that everything was unbelievably hilarious. When Joe realized that the crew wasn’t much better off than the cast, all of them giddy and slap-happy, he said fuck it and sent everyone home. The story itself is pretty funny but Sebastian makes it hilarious.  
  
Chris sets his empty bottle on the table, eyes closing as he drops his head onto the back of the couch. “Speaking of ridiculously early,” he mutters, “I should head out…”  
  
They’ve been talking for a few hours. He still feels all jumbled up inside but it’s not as bad as before, as he was worried it’d be. He’d almost forgotten how easy Sebastian is to talk to; he’s so smart and funny and honestly Chris could spend the rest of the night – the rest of forever, really – right where he is, talking and laughing. But it’s already a bit after one and he’s afraid that if he doesn’t leave now there’s a very good chance that he’ll beg Sebastian to let him stay and he’ll never leave.  
  
“You’re not planning on headin’ back home this late, are you?”  
  
Head still resting on the back cushion, Chris rolls his head toward Sebastian, his eyes blinking open slowly. For probably the millionth time tonight – at least – the shallow part of him notices just how Goddamn pretty Sebastian is. He gets distracted for a few long moments by Sebastian’s eyes, the strong line of his jaw, those fucking _lips_. He wants to kiss and bite them until they’re bruised and puffy. But it’s so much more than that. Sure, he’s overwhelmingly attracted to him but, if anything, Chris loves his brilliant mind and his huge heart way more than the fact that he’s drop-dead gorgeous.  
  
“Chris?” Sebastian softly urges when Chris just keeps staring at him like an idiot for a few long moments.  
  
He blinks owlishly, focuses on Sebastian’s eyes. Not that they’re any less distracting. Hell, there isn’t a single part of him that isn’t distracting in one way or another. “Uh, no,” he eventually mutters. “I’m gonna head back to the hotel and get a room for the night, have breakfast with Hayley before headin’ back home.”  
  
It’s a well-known, established fact that Chris is a touchy-feely kind of guy. Sebastian has always seemed the exact opposite. He’s affectionate, sure, open and honest and extremely friendly but from what Chris has seen and experienced, he doesn’t reach out like Chris is prone to, is a bit shy, kind of reserved even. So needless to say it’s a huge shock when Sebastian leans a bit closer and reaches out, warm hand curling around the side of Chris’ neck. Chris’ first – admittedly kind of hysterical – thought is to wonder if Sebastian can feel the way his pulse is thundering beneath his palm.  
  
“You can stay here, if you want,” Sebastian offers quietly.  
  
This is another one of those moments that he should take the opportunity to leave. There are so many really good reasons why he shouldn’t stay – along with a shit-ton of really stupid or really paranoid reasons – but there really aren’t any good reasons why he shouldn’t leave.  
  
But then Sebastian’s thumb rubs _just_ barely along his jaw and Chris can’t stop himself from leaning ever so slightly into the touch – he’s nowhere near strong enough to resist. He searches Sebastian’s eyes for a few long, silent moments. If he wants to be truly honest, at least with himself, he never once, not even for a second, thought that Sebastian might have feelings for him. Even during dinner, if he thought he saw something more in Sebastian’s eyes he simply dismissed it as wishful thinking, as projecting his own feelings, what he _wanted_ to see, onto Sebastian. But staring into those beautiful eyes right now, watching them darken slightly, he can’t lie to himself anymore.  
  
“Are you sure?” Chris damn-near whispers.  
  
“If you want, yes,” Sebastian replies easily, just as quietly.  
  
They aren’t talking about one friend letting another friend crash in his guest room anymore.  
  
With anyone he’s been with in the past, Chris has always been more comfortable taking the lead, never had an issue with making the first move. But as he’s quickly realizing, everything with Sebastian is different. He’s unsure in a way he hasn’t been in a long damn time, feels like a clumsy, fumbling virgin. He isn’t sure what Sebastian sees in his eyes, on his face, but Sebastian smiles softly – not the big, bright smile that Chris loves so much but it’s just as beautiful – his nose scrunching again – that is by far the most adorable thing he’s ever seen yet also surprisingly hot at the same time – and scoots a bit closer, his thumb once again rubbing along the line of Chris’ jaw.  
  
For as much as Chris wants this, wants _Sebastian_ , he can’t force himself to move, to act on the blatant signals Sebastian is giving out. At least not yet. If Sebastian was just some guy that he met at a bar or a club or the freaking grocery store, even if he was another actor that Chris had never worked with and probably never will work with, he’d be fine with just a fuck. But because they have at the very least two more movies together – he doesn’t know the details of Cap 3 although he has heard a few rumors but either way, after the way _The Winter Soldier_ ends, there’s no way they’re going to write Bucky out – and because they’re friends and because Chris actually loves him there’s no way they could have just a one-night-stand. Well, _he_ can’t anyway. He doesn’t know how Sebastian feels.  
  
He turns toward Sebastian, mirroring his position, then reaches up, curls his fingers around Sebastian’s wrist, squeezes gently. Even though it is one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do in his life and it hurts more than he was prepared for, he pulls Sebastian’s hand away. He doesn’t let go, can’t make himself take it _that_ far. He laces their fingers together and rests their joined hands on his thigh.  
  
“Chris?” Sebastian asks softly, tentatively, his brow furrowed. God, he doesn’t even know where to _start_. And the longer he sits in silence, just staring at Sebastian the more worried and confused and hurt – it makes him _ache_ to know that _he’s_ the one hurting him – Sebastian looks. “I thought…”  
  
“I did,” Chris blurts out, cutting him off. “I do.” He honestly has no idea what he’s even saying.  
  
“I thought you were sure,” Sebastian finishes, sounding even more confused. Chris can’t blame him. He’s pretty fucking confused himself.  
  
Chris inhales deeply, exhales slowly, his thumb absently rubbing along the side of Sebastian’s palm. “Fair warning?” Chris half-asks, half-states. “There’s a good chance that I’m gonna screw this up even more and most of what I say might not make sense. I don’t… Fuck, I don’t even know where to start…”  
  
He’s surprised, again, when Sebastian leans in and brushes a soft, chaste kiss to his lips to stop him from talking. Chris blinks slowly, not sure what to say. “Okay, first, do I need to apologize for that?” Chris can’t do much aside from shake his head ‘no’. “Good,” Sebastian replies with a smile. “Now, second. Just… say what you need to say, what you’re feeling or worrying about or whatever. Pick a point and start there. We’ll figure it out.”  
  
Sebastian is honestly too good to be true. Chris likes to think that, for the most part, he’s a good person but there’s no way in hell he’s good enough to deserve someone as sweet and amazing and pure as Sebastian.  
  
Chris takes another deep breath, leans his side against the back of the couch, rests his head in his free hand. “When you said I could stay if I wanted, I really, really wanted,” Chris starts. Sebastian smiles again, nods, but doesn’t interrupt. “And I was sure, _am_ sure. But I don’t…” he pauses, shakes his head and rolls his eyes at himself, “we’re still just friends, there’s no need to have the whole ‘where is this relationship going?’ talk, ya know?” Sebastian’s eyes widen a little, his eyebrows raising. “Okay,” Chris sighs. “That made very little sense.” He chews on the corner of his bottom lip for a few seconds, stares into Sebastian’s eyes. “I’ve never been the type to… condemn one-night-stands. I’ve even had a few. Even though mostly I personally prefer some kind of relationship.”  
  
“I feel the same,” Sebastian agrees. Chris can’t deny that a huge amount of the weight that’s been pressing down on his shoulders eases hearing that.  
  
“Okay, good.” Chris nods, smiles. “First, I don’t want you to think for a second that I assumed anything by your invitation to stay. I mean, I know we both meant more than just one friend crashing at another friend’s place but anything more than that… I wasn’t… _expecting_ … anything.” God, he sounds like a fucking _idiot_.  
  
Sebastian slides his arm along the back of the couch, reaches up and cards his fingers through Chris’ hair, chuckling fondly. “Surprisingly, I actually get what you’re trying to say,” he murmurs, his eyes and smile soft, warm – and Chris would swear – _loving_. “I like to think that I’ve gotten to know you pretty well,” he continues, fingers still sliding through his hair, “and I know you’re not that kind of guy.”  
  
“I’m not,” Chris blurts out. He cringes, huffs out a sigh. “You’d think that I’ve never talked to someone that I love by the way this conversation is going.” Sebastian’s eyes widen even more, his lips parting softly and for a few moments Chris honestly has no idea why he’s looking at him like that. Then what he actually _said_ catches up with him and he wants to crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of his life. “Shit,” he sighs, squeezes his eyes closed. “Seb… I… _Fuck_ …”  
  
He’s surprised to feel Sebastian’s hand slide around to the back of his neck, the cushion between them dipping as Sebastian moves closer. His eyes snap open when Sebastian lets go of his hand, once again reaching up and cupping his cheek. He can’t really identify all the emotions swirling in Sebastian’s eyes. “Be honest with me, please, Chris?” Sebastian half-asks, half-demands, his tone a little lower than usual, raspy and sexy as fuck. He sounds almost desperate, scared, and it breaks Chris’ heart a little.  
  
“I’d never lie to you,” he whispers. _Especially_ about something so serious, he adds silently.  
  
“Do you… Did you say…” Sebastian huffs, his eyes a little glassy as he stares at Chris helplessly.  
  
Chris can’t stand to see him like this, especially when he can very easily fix it.  
  
He leans in, both hands sliding into the long, silky-soft, dark strands of Sebastian’s hair – _fuck_ but he’s wanted to do that all night; it’s been hours since he got his first glimpse of Sebastian’s new look but he’s still not entirely used to it, how unfairly hot it is still catching him off-guard at times – tilts his head so that their foreheads are pressed together, his eyes fluttering closed. “I don’t want some one-night-stand,” he murmurs, nuzzles the tips of their noses together. “It could never just be… _that_ , at least not for me.” He pauses, tilts his head a bit more, unable to resist the urge to press a kiss to Sebastian’s lips. He forces himself to keep it chaste instead of getting lost in it the way he so desperately wants to. Sebastian makes a small, almost-hurt noise in the back of his throat, tries – unsuccessfully – to move closer. “It took me a long time to realize it,” he continues, wanting to get everything out in the open, not wanting to have any secrets or lies or omissions between them. “But when I did… I’m pretty damn sure I started falling for you the day we met,” he admits softly.  
  
His eyes snap open, panic washing over him like a bucket of ice water when Sebastian pulls away from him completely. But before he can ask, hell, before he can even take his next breath, Sebastian is pushing closer, damn-near manhandling him around, hands gripping his shoulders as he crawls into Chris’ lap. A low groan rumbles in Chris’ chest, his hands automatically grabbing Sebastian’s hips even as he unbends his leg and sits up straight. He uses the hold on Sebastian’s hips to pull him even closer, their chests pressed together. “Me too,” Sebastian breathes, his fingers brushing over Chris’ cheekbones, his temples, through his hair, his hands in constant motion now that he knows that he can touch. Chris takes advantage of the sudden epiphany himself, his hands sliding up Sebastian’s sides, down his back, fingers once again ending up buried in Sebastian’s hair, curled into loose fists. “God, Chris, me too,” Sebastian moans and the sound sends a shiver down Chris’ spine, heated blood rushing through his veins and heading right for his cock. He feels simultaneously weak as a kitten and as strong as… well, at the risk of being too cheesy even by _his_ standards, as strong as Captain fuckin’ America. Their gazes lock and for some reason Chris is surprised by the heat he sees reflecting back at him from Sebastian’s eyes. He slows the almost frantic movement of his hands, gently cradles both sides of Chris’ face. “I’ve loved you for years,” Sebastian admits, barely above a whisper. Chris’ throat tightens with emotion, his eyes stinging a bit. He’s okay with the fact that he’s an emotional person as well as a big cry-baby at times. “I just never thought for a second that you’d ever feel the same.”  
  
Chris huffs out a soft chuckle, shakes his head. “I felt the same about you. Hell, I convinced myself there was no way in hell that you felt anything for me other than friendship.” He pauses, truly shocked at how easy it is to admit all this to Sebastian – well, at least since they got past Chris’ awkward first attempt. “On the bad days, I even let myself doubt the friendship part.”  
  
“Chris,” Sebastian breathes, his brow furrowed. “Of course you’re one of my closest friends. But really… I mean, how could I _not_ fall completely in love with you?”  
  
Chris has an extremely long list of his own faults in his head pretty much at all times. But he’s almost positive that Sebastian doesn’t want him to actually give him examples or reasons. The path they’re on is a slippery slope that leads to all of Chris’ doubts, insecurities, his panic and anxiety, and while Sebastian knows about a lot of it already, that’s not where Chris wants to end up.  
  
Using the hold he has in Sebastian’s hair, Chris pulls him down as he tilts his head up, slides their lips together. He means to keep it chaste, brief – even though he knows that they’re pretty much on the same page there’s a lot that they still haven’t discussed – but then Sebastian moans again, his arms sliding around Chris, the tip of his tongue nudging the seam of Chris’ lips. There’s no way in hell he can stop.  
  
The kiss deepens, both of them moaning this time at the first brush of their tongues. Sebastian slips one hand under the hem of Chris’ shirt, palm spread wide against the small of his back, as he completely takes control of the kiss. Normally Chris prefers to be in the driver’s seat – he’s a typical Type A, a control freak and he’s the first to admit it – but as he’s already noticed a few times, it’s different with Sebastian. He actually doesn’t mind sitting back and letting him lead for the moment.  
  
He honestly has no idea how long they kiss, doesn’t even try to keep track. But eventually it turns heated, almost desperate, both of them moaning and clinging to each other, their bodies pressing closer and closer. The first roll of Sebastian’s hips – hard cocks rubbing together through too many layers of material – is way better than it has any right to be. Sebastian breaks the kiss with a breathless gasp, throws his head back, short, blunt fingernails dragging across Chris’ back. Even though he doesn’t really want to let go, Chris drops his hands back to Sebastian’s hips, tugging gently to keep him moving. “Fuck,” Chris half-groans, half-growls, leans forward and buries his face in the sweat-damp curve of Sebastian’s neck.  
  
“Chris,” Sebastian mewls, free hand palming the back of Chris’ head, keeping him from pulling away – like he has _any_ intention of going anywhere – as he keep rolling his hips. Chris flexes his own hips, chasing the sweet, dry slide of friction as he kisses and nips at the long, beautiful length of Sebastian’s arched throat. He bites at Sebastian’s thundering pulse, smirking a little to himself – and filing Sebastian’s reaction away for later – when Sebastian cries out softly, his fingers digging into Chris’ scalp, fingernails once again scraping across Chris’ back. He bites down harder on the same spot, sucking the sweat-salty, tender flesh a bit – they’ve still got a few weeks until filming starts so he’s not worrying about leaving marks, unless Sebastian has a problem with it; but judging by his reaction Chris thinks it’s safe to assume he’s okay with it. “Oh God… _Chris_ …”  
  
Chris hasn’t been reduced to dry-humping on a couch like teenagers since he _was_ a teenager but it feels fucking _amazing_ and it honestly won’t take much more to get him off. Besides, as he – very poorly – tried to explain to Sebastian, he has no assumptions or expectations. Just having Sebastian in his arms, trading a few kisses here and there as they talked would have been enough for him. _Whatever_ Sebastian wants to give him is enough for him.  
  
Sebastian somehow manages to shift a bit closer, no room between them even for air at this point, tilts his head to the side a bit as Chris drags his tongue up the column of Sebastian’s throat, scraps his teeth over the hinge of his jaw. He nips along Sebastian’s strong jawline, tip of his nose nudging his chin. Sebastian lifts his head, turns and blindly crashes their lips together. It’s all teeth and tongues, the angle slightly off-center for a few seconds until Chris grabs a fistful of Sebastian’s hair again, and takes the lead, changes the angle a bit, pulls back just enough to murmur, the words smeared against Sebastian’s lips, “Easy, baby.”  
  
Sebastian lets out the prettiest, sexiest moan Chris has heard yet – has heard _ever_ really – and slumps down slightly, once again wrapping his arms around Chris, both hands beneath the back of his shirt now. “Chris, please,” he breathes, not breaking the kiss either.  
  
“Please what?” Chris urges softly when Sebastian doesn’t continue. He barely recognizes the low, gritty tone of his own voice. He’s surprised when Sebastian stops moving, pulls away from the kiss and drops his head, pushes his face against the curve of Chris’ neck. Surprise swiftly turns into concern when he feels the slight tremble running through Sebastian’s body. Chris palms the back of his head, gently massages his scalp. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”  
  
Soft, wet lips drag against Chris’ throat, over his pounding pulse. “ _Chris_ ,” Sebastian moans, soft and breathy, his arms tightening around Chris.  
  
“Talk to me, Seb,” Chris practically begs – he couldn’t care less though, he’s freaking the fuck out right now – turns his head, brushes a kiss to Sebastian’s temple. “You’re worrying me.”  
  
“Sorry,” Sebastian whispers. “Don’t mean to worry you. I’m okay.”  
  
“You’re shaking, baby,” Chris points out quietly.  
  
“Like when you say that,” Sebastian mutters.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“When you… call me baby, sweetheart,” Sebastian admits, so quietly that Chris almost misses it, even with how close they’re pressed together.  
  
Despite the fact that he’s still worried, Chris can’t help but smile a bit. “’m glad,” he murmurs, the hand not still buried in Sebastian’s hair rubbing up and down his back. “You gonna tell me why you’re shaking though?”  
  
Sebastian sighs softly, tilts his head a bit, nuzzles under Chris’ jaw. “Mostly just… got a little overwhelmed for a few minutes there.”  
  
“We can slow down, quit even, if you need to. At _any_ point,” Chris assures him, soft but firm. The thought that Sebastian might not know that or might even doubt it, makes his stomach churn. “Just gotta say the word.”  
  
“I know,” Sebastian replies softly. Chris can feel him smile, can hear it in his voice. He lets out a mostly silent sigh of relief. “But it wasn’t that.”  
  
“Then what?”  
  
“Kinda the… opposite.”  
  
In Chris’ defense, he’s still working on letting go of the worry that something was wrong with Sebastian, most of the blood in his body is currently located in his dick, and the sudden change from rubbing together and kissing to concern and panic has all left him a little slower than usual at keeping up. Hell, his brain has mostly been mush since he first saw Sebastian at the restaurant hours ago. So he kind of thinks he can be excused for not _getting it_ right away.  
  
“Opposite of what?”  
  
Sebastian huffs through his nose and pulls back, shoulders square, stares into Chris’ eyes. “The opposite of stopping.” Chris honestly doesn’t even know if he’s breathing at the moment. If Sebastian means what it _sounds_ like he means… When he doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring back at Sebastian wide-eyed and more than likely looking a little lost and helpless, Sebastian continues. “Want you to fuck me, Chris.” Despite the eye contact and the way he’s trying to make himself look calm, collected and confident, there’s a slight waver in his voice that betrays him.  
  
“Are you sure?” Chris _finally_ finds his voice and asks.  
  
“If you want, yes.”  
  
Chris doesn’t miss the reference to their earlier exchange when Sebastian offered to let him stay. It makes him smile, warmth pooling in his stomach, his heart skipping a beat or two. _Fuck_ but he loves this man with an intensity that scares the hell out of him.  
  
He palms both sides of Sebastian’s face, spends just a few more seconds staring into his lust-dark eyes, then leans forward, sliding their lips together in a slow, deep, thorough kiss. Sebastian clings to him, kisses him back, completely lets Chris lead, not even trying to push for more.  
  
After a few long minutes, Chris pulls away, smiling fondly when Sebastian makes a soft, unhappy noise in the back of his throat, pouts at him. He drops his hands to Sebastian’s hips, gently squeezes. “Gotta lemme up, sweetheart,” he murmurs.  
  
He’s surprised to notice Sebastian’s cheeks flush the prettiest shade of pink as he crawls backward out of Chris’ lap. Chris stands up as soon as he’s able, automatically reaches out for Sebastian. He wraps his arms around his waist, pulls him into a quick, dirty kiss. Sebastian stares at him for a second when he pulls away then grabs his hand, basically dragging him down the hallway. Chris pauses just before they get to the door to Sebastian’s bedroom. Sebastian turns to look at him but before he can say anything, Chris pushes him up against the wall, both hands sinking into his hair, uses the hold to keep him still as Chris kisses him again. He pushes to deepen it right off the bat, the slide of their lips and tongues desperate, almost violent. Sebastian moans and arches into Chris, their chests pressing together. He grabs Chris’ waist and tugs, rolls his own hips forward, straining lengths rubbing together. Chris drops one hand to Sebastian’s hip, squeezes and pulls, silently urging him to keep moving. Sebastian lifts one leg, wraps it around Chris’ hip. Chris groans harshly and reaches down, grabs Sebastian’s thigh, fingers digging into the thick, flexing muscle. He pushes forward even more, his cock jerking almost painfully when Sebastian lets out another of those soft, breathy moans, his arms sliding around Chris’ shoulders.  
  
Maybe minutes, maybe hours later – he honestly has no idea – Sebastian nips Chris’ bottom lip, fingers digging into the muscles of Chris’ shoulders almost hard enough to hurt. “More, Chris,” he rasps against Chris’ lips. “Please.”  
  
Chris lets go of Sebastian’s thigh. As soon as he drops his leg, Chris pulls him away from the wall, walks him backward into his bedroom, not ending the kiss until they’re standing at the foot of Sebastian’s bed. Lust-dark, heavy-lidded stormy-blue eyes blink slowly at him, kiss-bruised, spit-slick lips parted softly as he pants, cheeks flushed a pretty petal-pink, the blush creeping down the long line of his throat as well and Chris can’t stop staring. He honestly didn’t think Sebastian could get even more beautiful but he was so very, very wrong. He’s completely frozen, his brain offline, his whole body thrumming with anticipation, but he can’t remember right now how to make his hands work, can’t find the words to say everything he’s suddenly dying to tell Sebastian, can’t find his voice even if he could find the words.  
  
Sebastian’s smile softens, his eyes going a little liquid. When Sebastian reaches for him, out of the corner of his eye he notices Sebastian’s hands shaking just slightly. He didn’t doubt for a second that this means just as much to Sebastian as it does to him but the confirmation – no matter how small – that Sebastian is just as nervous and overwhelmed as he is means so much and goes a long way toward settling his own nerves.  
  
Although standing _completely_ still is usually a real struggle for him, Chris actually manages to just long enough to let Sebastian strip him down, leaving him totally naked while Sebastian is still completely dressed. It’s a bit nerve wracking. Even though he works really hard to keep himself in shape – it’s especially obvious now considering they start filming soon – he’s always had self-esteem issues that stem from his anxiety. The urge to squirm, fidget or try to cover himself is pretty strong but he does his best to push everything aside and let Sebastian look his fill.  
  
He can almost feel that heated gaze like an actual caress, a shiver running down his spine when Sebastian takes a step closer, his hands sliding down Chris’ chest, his abs. He groans, leans in and kisses along Chris’ collarbone, drags his tongue over his tattoo. “You’re so beautiful,” Sebastian murmurs, his hands still in motion, touching every inch of Chris he can reach without having to move. “Inside and out, in every way imaginable.” It’s on the tip of Chris’ tongue to argue that _Sebastian_ is the one that’s beautiful but he resists. Now would be a really stupid time to get into a pointless argument over who’s prettier. Sebastian kisses the corner of his lips, nuzzles the side of his face as he slips a hand between them, palming the rock-hard, straining length of his cock. Chris groans, his jaw clenching hard enough to ache a little, his eyes squeezing closed for a few seconds. He’s still just as worked-up as he was on the couch, every touch, every kiss – no matter how small – of course just pushing him closer and closer to the edge. Sebastian mouths wetly along his jaw, nuzzles beneath his ear. “Knew even your cock would be beautiful,” Sebastian breathes against his ear, his warm, moist breath along with the low, deep rasp of his voice sends another shiver down his spine. He scrapes his teeth over Chris’ earlobe, traces the shell with the tip of his nose. “Ain’t a single fucking part of you that isn’t gorgeous.” Chris bites the inside of his jaw nearly bloody to keep from blurting out everything that’s wrong with him. Sebastian brushes a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. “Eyes open, babe.” Chris automatically does as Sebastian says. “Want you to watch me.”  
  
Before Chris can take another breath, Sebastian drops gracefully to his knees, heated blue eyes locked on his as he wraps his fingers around the base of Chris’ cock, licks a thick, wet stripe up the underside, over the tip, groaning as he chases after every drop of pre-come oozing from the slit. “Jesus _fuck_ , Seb,” Chris grits out, his hands curling into tight, useless fists at his sides. Sebastian reaches out with his free hand, slides his fingers over Chris’ knuckles then guides Chris’ hand to his head. Chris takes the hint, forces his hands to unclench, fingers of both hands sliding into the long, messy strands of Sebastian’s hair. Sebastian moans in the back of his throat just as he bobs his head, taking Chris in as far as possible, swallows around the tip. “Fuck,” he gasps breathlessly, fingers reflexively tightening in Sebastian’s hair. Sebastian doesn’t let up, taking him in deep – there’s no way in hell he has any kind of gag reflex with the way he easily takes the thick head of Chris’ cock into his throat and swallows around it – then pulling back, cheeks hollowed as he sucks hard, all the way to the tip. Of course it feels fucking amazing but what pushes Chris so dangerously close to the edge, leaves his knees weak, makes his entire body tremble, is the way that he keeps staring up at Chris the entire time. “Sebastian, baby,” Chris can hear the slight whimper in his own voice but he can’t really bring himself to care, “I can’t… You gotta stop, sweetheart.”  
  
Sebastian pulls up, swirls his tongue around the tip once more then lets go. Chris tries to help him get back to his feet but his hands are shaking and lust-clumsy. Once Sebastian is standing in front of him again, he grabs Chris’ hips, tries to lead him to the foot of the bed. But Sebastian is still dressed and Chris really wants to be the one to do something about that.  
  
Sebastian smiles softly, standing completely still and patient as Chris fumbles with his buttons and zipper. It seems to take really close to _forever_ but eventually Chris has Sebastian gloriously naked and close enough to touch, to feel the warmth radiating from his body. If there are words to accurately describe just how unbelievably gorgeous Sebastian is, Chris doesn’t know them. “ _Sebastian_ ,” Chris breathes, fingers sliding down Sebastian’s chest, tracing lean, perfectly sculpted muscle beneath tan, baby-soft skin. Sebastian steps forward, slides his arms around Chris’ shoulders, bodies pressed as close as possible.  
  
Chris once again kind of stalls out, unable to do much beside wrap his arms around Sebastian’s lean waist in return and stare at him. Thankfully, Sebastian doesn’t seem to have the same issue. He leans in, brushes a quick kiss to Chris’ lips. “Wanna go ‘head and get on the bed for me?” he murmurs, long fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Chris’ neck. Chris nods but before he can move away, Sebastian briefly tightens his hold, smiles sweetly at him. “Sit up against the headboard.”  
  
When Sebastian drops his arms, Chris scrambles to do as he was told. It takes a matter of a second or two for him to get settled, back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him, his eyes on Sebastian the entire time. Sebastian smiles again and knee-walks onto the mattress. Chris damn-near chokes on a broken moan as Sebastian crawls into his lap, his hands automatically grabbing Sebastian’s hips. Sebastian wraps his arms around Chris’ shoulders again, leans in and brushes another soft, chaste kiss to Chris’ lips. Chris rubs his hands up and down Sebastian’s sides, around his waist, up and down his back. It’s almost like his hands have a mind of their own, unable to stop touching all that warm, bare flesh.  
  
“This probably isn’t the best time to bring it up but… Have you ever done this before?” Sebastian asks softly.  
  
“Not… entirely.” Sebastian quirks an eyebrow. “When I first got to LA, I experimented some, hand-jobs and blow-jobs but nothing more,” Chris explains. He doesn’t _want_ to know but he thinks that he probably _should_. It’s just… the thought of Sebastian with anyone else makes his stomach churn. He’s not stupid, knows damn-well that Sebastian isn’t a virgin – mid-twenties, breathtakingly beautiful inside and out, yeah no way in hell – but he doesn’t have to like it. Wow. He has _never_ felt so possessive of anyone before. “What about you?” he asks, hands still in constant motion.  
  
“Yes.” Sebastian pauses, fingers of one hand once again playing with the hair along the nape of Chris’ neck. “I’ve been with more girls than guys, honestly. It’s not really a preference or anything, just the way it’s seemed to work out.” He slides his fingers over Chris’ shoulder, along his collarbone, down his bicep, obviously tracing Chris’ tattoos. He likes that it seems as if Sebastian can’t stop touching him either. “I guess you could say that I’m pretty… versatile when it comes to sex. With men and women.”  
  
Chris really does appreciate how open and honest Sebastian is but it makes the possessiveness even worse and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, now there’s a bit of jealousy there as well. Which he’s well aware is more than a little ridiculous. Being jealous of the people that Sebastian has been with is pointless.  
  
His best bet is to move on, get back to where they were.  
  
Chris slides his hands down Sebastian’s back again, grabs both cheeks of his firm, perfect ass, fingers flexing against the muscle. Sebastian hums softly and leans forward, buries his face in the curve of Chris’ neck, nuzzles under his jaw as he tilts his hips back, pushing more into Chris’ touch. Chris spreads his cheeks, rubs the tips of two fingers over Sebastian’s tight rim. Of course he takes it easy considering his fingers are dry – the last thing he wants is to hurt Sebastian in _any_ way. Sebastian makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, tilts his head up more and scrapes his teeth over the hinge of Chris’ jaw then bites down the column of his throat when Chris moans, arches his neck for more. Sebastian grips Chris’ shoulders, digs his knees into the mattress on either side of Chris’ hips, rocks back against Chris’ hands on his ass then rolls forward, his rock-hard, leaking cock rubbing against Chris’. Sebastian has been beautifully responsive the entire time, from their very first kiss but he’s even more so now, almost like he was actually holding back until this point. He thought the fully clothed dry-humping on the couch was pretty damn amazing but just having Sebastian like this, naked and writhing in his lap, obviously completely unrestrained, is already a million times better than the best sex he ever had with anyone else. He’s already close to being on system overload and they’ve just barely gotten started.  
  
There’s a very real possibility that he might not survive. Hell of a way to go though.  
  
Sebastian kisses his way back up to Chris’ ear, kisses and nuzzles the sensitive skin beneath. He drops one hand between them, curls his fingers around both their cocks as best as he can – Sebastian has incredibly sexy, long fingers but they’re both big, not just long but thick, which makes it a little difficult to hold them at the same time – his thumb smearing across both tips. “Can’t wait to feel you inside me,” Sebastian whispers against Chris’ ear, letting go of himself in order to just stroke Chris, slow, teasing, wrist twisting just right, his hold loose enough to keep him from coming but tight enough to keep him firmly on edge. It all leaves Chris panting and moaning – he can admit, just to himself, that a few whimpers escape as well – his fingers digging into the flexing muscles of Sebastian’s ass cheeks hard enough to make his knuckles ache a little, has got to be leaving finger-shaped bruises behind. “Wanna stay right here, just like this. Ride you hard and fast ‘til neither of us can move,” Sebastian goes on, speeding up his hand on Chris’ cock just a bit. “What d’ya think, Chris? Want me in your lap, fuckin’ myself on your cock?”  
  
“Jesus _fuck_ , Seb,” Chris gasps, his eyes squeezing closed. Sebastian hums, turns his head enough to kiss the corner of Chris’ mouth. “Yeah. Fuck yeah, baby.”  
  
“You wanna get me ready or you wanna watch me do it myself?”  
  
Sebastian is going to fucking _kill_ him. With the way he’s been up until this point, Chris honestly wasn’t expecting Sebastian to have a secret sex-God side. It’s more than obvious that Sebastian was holding back before. Chris doesn’t mind, he can admit that he was unconsciously doing the same thing at first. It makes sense that they’d both be a bit reserved as they were trying to get used to each other, seeing how well they work together. It makes him happy that it didn’t take Sebastian long to get comfortable enough with him to be able to let loose and be himself completely. It also makes him happy that he can say the same about himself. He already feels more in tune and compatible with Sebastian than he’s ever been with anyone he’s dated in the past. Maybe because they were such good friends first and got to know each other pretty well before sex and love even entered the picture.  
  
“Wanna watch you do it,” Chris rasps. Just the _idea_ of Sebastian fingering himself open is enough to make Chris’ brain melt.  
  
Sebastian leans to the side, pulls open the drawer of his bedside table, grabs a bottle of lube and a condom. For a moment, Chris’ nerves kick in, hard and fast and unforgiving, worse than when he was standing outside the restaurant waiting for Hayley, worse than when he caught his first glimpse of Sebastian across the crowded dining room. They’re about to change the very nature of their relationship, about to change _everything_ , and there’s no coming back from that. Logically, Chris knows that they’ve _already_ changed things irreversibly but it feels like _this_ is the moment, the lube and condom a visible representation of just how different things are going to be from this point on.  
  
Can he really do this? Should they do this? What if something goes wrong and they lose everything?  
  
Before panic can _truly_ set in, Sebastian drops the bottle and condom onto the mattress next to his knee and leans in a bit, brings both hands up to gently cradle Chris’ face. “Breathe, Chris,” he murmurs. Chris honestly didn’t realize that he wasn’t. He reaches up, curls his fingers around Sebastian’s wrists – he can feel the steady but slightly quick beat of Sebastian’s pulse beneath his fingertips – stares into those dark, stormy-blue eyes, forces himself to push everything else aside and focus on Sebastian’s breathing, using it to guide his own. “That’s it, just like that, baby,” Sebastian softly encourages him. Normally, Chris doesn’t care for his partner’s using sweet endearments or pet names, even though he uses them himself all the time, but he finds that he likes it from Sebastian. It’s quickly becoming clear to him that Sebastian is going to end up being the exception to _every_ _thing_. It takes a few long minutes but eventually Chris settles down. Unfortunately, after such an admittedly ridiculous freak-out embarrassment swiftly follows. Normally he could walk it off or hide until it passes – even though he knows that isn’t really healthy – but he’s still got Sebastian in his lap, his gentle hands still cradling his face but mostly, he knows Sebastian wouldn’t let him run or bury it. Sure enough, when he feels the tension bleed from Chris’ frame, Sebastian smiles softly, cards his fingers back through Chris’ hair, now cradling the back of his head. “You wanna tell me what happened?” Sebastian asks quietly. Chris would really love to decline the request.  
  
“I… really, it was nothin’, Seb,” Chris mumbles, rolling his eyes at himself even as he smiles at Sebastian, his hands falling away from Sebastian’s wrists, once again gripping his lean hips. Sebastian sighs, raises an eyebrow. Oh well, it was worth a shot. “Honestly, for the most part, it really was nothing. Or at least, nothing important.” Sebastian tilts his head slightly but doesn’t say anything when Chris pauses. “I got nervous,” Chris admits quietly.  
  
“About having sex?”  
  
Chris’ cheeks flush – damn pale Irish skin – and he shakes his head. “Not about… the sex but more along the lines of what it means. How much things are gonna change.” He huffs, rolls his eyes again. “I don’t always handle change that well.”  
  
“But the changes aren’t bad, right?” Sebastian half-asks tentatively. Great, now he’s freaking poor Sebastian out.  
  
“What if things don’t work out?” Chris whispers.  
  
Sebastian smiles – that big, bright, beautiful smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes and scrunches up his nose, Chris’ favorite smile – and leans in, their chests pressing together. “There’s nothing to worry about there,” he murmurs. Chris raises both eyebrows. “There’s no chance in hell that things won’t work out.” He lets go of Chris’ head but keeps his arms around Chris’ shoulders, leans in and brushes a kiss to his lips. “I’m head over heels, bat-shit crazy in love with you, Chris. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. And that’s all I need to know in order to know that things are gonna be amazing between us.”  
  
As much as he doesn’t _want_ there to be, there are still a lot of concerns and worries swirling in his brain. Even though they’ve already crossed a line that they’ll never be able to come back from, Chris should stop this right now and walk away. For Sebastian’s sake if for no other reason. But he desperately wants to believe, to have the same blind faith that Sebastian does. So instead of doing what he _should_ do, he does what he _wants_ to do.  
  
He slides one hand into Sebastian’s hair, curls his fingers into the silky-soft strands – he’s dangerously addicted to Sebastian’s long hair and it’s going to break his heart a little once filming wraps and he cuts it short again – and leans in, murmurs against Sebastian’s lips, “’m sorry I worried you, sweetheart.” Sebastian mewls, squirms a little. They’d both gone a bit soft but they’re both recovering quickly, steadily hardening lengths rubbing and sliding together between the press of their stomachs. He slides his arm around Sebastian’s waist, other hand gripping the firm muscle of his ass. “Even though I got nervous,” he continues, his eyes closed, forehead pressed against Sebastian’s, lips still brushing together with every word, “I hope you know that I… Fuck, I’m crazy about you, Seb.”  
  
Sebastian moans, tilts his head just enough to slide their lips together fully. Chris tightens his fingers in Sebastian’s hair, just barely tugging on the strands as the kiss deepens, heats. Sebastian lets out the sexiest half-groan, half-growl, blunt fingernails clawing at Chris’ shoulders as he writhes against him. Chris flexes his hand against Sebastian’s ass, pulling slightly, silently urging him to keep moving. Sebastian does of course, steadily rolling his hips as Chris rocks up against him. It doesn’t take long at all for them both to get back to where they were before Chris’ ill-timed freak-out; hard and leaking, rubbing together, the slide of friction just barely eased by sweat and pre-come. It feels way better than it probably should. He has no doubt at all that he could get off just like this and it honestly wouldn’t take a whole lot more to get him there.  
  
“Chris,” Sebastian breathes into the kiss, goes still in Chris’ lap. Chris hums in response. “Gotta lemme up,” he murmurs after a few more long minutes, nipping at Chris’ bottom lip as he pulls back just enough to look into Chris’ eyes. Sebastian rolls his hips once more, slowly, deliberately, the sticky-wet tip rubbing the full length of the underside of Chris’ cock. “Gotta get ready. Need to feel you inside me.”  
  
Chris groans, pulls Sebastian into a quick, dirty kiss then – reluctantly – lets go. Sebastian scoots back a bit until he’s resting on Chris’ thighs, their gazes locked as Sebastian reaches for the lube he’d dropped onto the mattress, blindly flicks open the cap and pours some over his fingers. The muscles along his chest, shoulder and bicep flex as he reaches behind himself. A few short moments later Sebastian’s eyes flutter closed, his lips parting slightly around a soft, breathy moan and Chris _really_ needs to see exactly what he’s doing. Sure, he _knows_ what Sebastian is doing but he really wants to actually see it.  
  
“Seb, baby, wait,” Chris rasps, reaches out, fingers brushing against the side of his face. Sebastian’s eyes snap open, both eyebrows raised. Chris’ cheeks flush hot again – he has never blushed this much during sex, even when he was younger – and he fights to not look away from those gorgeous, lust-dark blue eyes. “I wanna…” he trails off, huffs, rolls his eyes at himself.  
  
“What, Chris?”  
  
“Wanna… see you.”  
  
Sebastian flashes him a smile, leans forward and brushes a barely-there peck to his lips. Instead of moving away or switching spots, Sebastian just turns around, once again settles on Chris’ thighs, his legs spread wide. He glances back at Chris over his shoulder. “Ready, babe?” Chris groans, nods. Sebastian turns back around, left hand braced on Chris’ leg, tilts forward a bit, back arching slightly as he reaches back with his right hand. Chris can’t look away. They both moan when Sebastian pushes two fingers into himself, not stopping until they’re buried to the knuckle. He pauses for a few seconds then pulls back, twists his wrist slightly and thrusts back in. Another moan tears from Sebastian’s throat and he tosses his head back, shoulders shifting a bit as he starts to settle into a rhythm, fucking his fingers in and out of himself, twisting his wrist on nearly every thrust. The sight is hot as hell and it seems to feel good but Chris can tell that Sebastian is having a bit of trouble, his pace a bit off and awkward.  
  
Chris sits up and reaches out, gently grabs Sebastian’s wrist to stop him. Sebastian lifts his head and turns to look at him again. “What’s wrong?” he rasps.  
  
He carefully pulls Sebastian’s hand away, leans forward and presses a kiss to his shoulder blade when he makes a soft, displeased noise. “Nothin’s wrong,” Chris murmurs, grabs Sebastian’s hips, nudges him. Sebastian’s brow furrows but he turns back around. Once he’s close enough, Chris wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist, pulls him against his chest. Sebastian still looks confused but he’s also starting to look worried and the last thing Chris wants is to do that to him again. “How ‘bout I take over?” he asks softly.  
  
“I thought you wanted…”  
  
“I did,” Chris assures him off softly, slides his hands up Sebastian’s back, tilts his head up and kisses the corner of his lips, “and, _fuck_ , it was really freakin’ hot.” He slides his hands back down Sebastian’s back, over the swell of his ass. “But now I wanna touch,” he continues, teasing two fingers down the cleft of his ass, over his lube-slick hole, “wanna get my fingers inside you, make you moan, make you beg.” Sebastian’s eyes darken even more, his lips parting softly around a low, hoarse moan. Chris lets go of Sebastian’s ass and grabs his hips again, nudges him to the side. “Lie down for me, baby,” he murmurs.  
  
He keeps his hold on Sebastian’s hips as he moves, helps to keep him steady and guide him until he’s laying flat on his back, staring up at Chris as he chews on his bottom lip. Chris moves as well, settles on his knees between Sebastian’s legs. He slides his hands up the insides of Sebastian’s thighs, fingers just barely digging into the soft, sensitive flesh, a groan rumbling in his chest when Sebastian spreads his legs wider, bends his knees, feet flat on the mattress. Chris leans forward, presses a kiss to Sebastian’s chest, right over his heart – it may be a cheesy move but Sebastian’s eyes soften and he smiles at him so he really doesn’t care – then kisses his way up Sebastian’s neck, nips at the hinge of his jaw. When Chris lifts his head a bit they turn toward each other, lips sliding together in a slow, deep kiss.  
  
“Ready?” Chris rasps when they end the kiss. Sebastian nods.  
  
Chris sits back on his heels, grabs the lube, pours some over his fingers. He’s never done this with a guy – hell, he’s never even done it with a girl – but he did just watch Sebastian so he’s fairly sure he can figure it out. He reaches down, rubs the tips of both fingers around his rim. Despite Sebastian having two of his own fingers inside not all that long ago, there doesn’t seem to be any give to the tight furl of muscle. He’s starting to worry that maybe just watching Sebastian wasn’t enough.  
  
Sebastian presses his knee against Chris’ side. “It’s okay. Go on,” Sebastian murmurs with a smile when Chris glances up at him. Chris takes a deep breath and slowly, carefully, pushes his index finger in, stopping just barely half-way. He’s so hot inside and unbearably _tight_ , unlike anything Chris has ever felt. Logically he knows that he’ll be able to fit in there but at the moment he really doesn’t see how, not without hurting him. “Chris.” He looks up again, his brow furrowed. “You don’t… Here, hold on.” As soon as Sebastian drops his legs and starts to sit up, Chris pulls his finger back out. Once Sebastian is sitting, he slides his arms around Chris’ waist. “You don’t have to take it so slow,” Sebastian explains softly. “Or quite that gentle.”  
  
“Sebastian,” Chris sighs, frowning slightly.  
  
“You watched me, right?”  
  
“Of course I did.”  
  
“Alright, so you saw that I started with two, yeah?” Chris nods. “And that I pushed them in all the way.” Chris nods again. “Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone’s different of course. But for me… I enjoy the stretch, the slight burn, the full feeling. I like things a little rough… A little pain with the pleasure…”  
  
“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Chris interrupts softly.  
  
“I know that. And I’m not talking about _hurting…_ It’s more like… a bit of an ache.” He tilts his head up, kisses the corner of Chris’ lips. “If you ever actually hurt me, I’d tell you. I promise.” Making sure to use his left hand, Chris reaches up and pushes Sebastian’s sweat-damp hair away from his face then gives him a quick, chaste kiss. “Wanna try again?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Sebastian lays back down, knees bent, feet flat on the mattress, legs spread wide. Chris pours more lube over his fingers then reaches down again, circles Sebastian’s rim a few times then pushes two fingers into him, a steady, even pressure until they’re buried to the knuckle. The tight heat once again takes him by surprise, his cock leaking at just the _thought_ of being inside Sebastian instead of his fingers. He can’t think about that right now.  
  
“That’s it,” Sebastian breathes. “You can move now. Just do what I did.” Chris can’t help but stare at the way his knuckles stretch Sebastian’s rim, how the skin sticks to his fingers a bit as he pulls out. When just the tips are the only part still inside Sebastian, Chris thrusts back in. Sebastian rolls his hips, easily picking up Chris’ pace and rhythm. “Twist your wrist a bit when you push back in,” Sebastian instructs breathlessly. Chris does. “Push in deep then stop.” Chris once again does as Sebastian says. “Okay… quirk your fingers up, rub along the walls…” Chris knows what a prostate is, knows what it’s for and has heard how incredibly pleasurable it feels when it’s stimulated. He has no experience with it himself, of course, and he doesn’t know _exactly_ where it is. Sebastian cries out, his back and neck arching, cock jerking, fresh pre-come smearing against his abs. “ _There_ ,” Sebastian gasps. Chris goes back to thrusting his fingers into Sebastian, keeps that same angle. “Fuck… More, baby.” Chris glances up, quirks an eyebrow. “Faster…. Add another finger.” Chris follows every instruction, works three fingers into Sebastian hard and fast, makes sure to hit his sweet spot on every thrust. “Now, Chris. Need to feel your cock in me,” Sebastian moans. “ _Please_ …”  
  
Chris carefully pulls his fingers out, blinking in surprise when Sebastian sits up and grabs the condom, tears it open and rolls it down his straining length. Sebastian looks up, their gazes meeting as he reaches for the bottle of lube, blindly pour some into his palm. He flashes Chris a smile and drops his hand, fingers curling loosely around his cock. Chris groans, leans forward, his forehead pressing against Sebastian’s, his eyes squeezed closed. “Seb,” Chris breathes when Sebastian lingers for a few moments, hoping that he’ll get the warning. It feels too good and Chris is too damn close to the edge right now.  
  
Sebastian hums in response, tilts his head so that their lips brush together. He lets go of Chris after one last stroke, absently wipes his hand on the sheet. Chris chases after him when he pulls away from the kiss but Sebastian presses a hand to his chest. “Sit up against the headboard again?” he half-asks, half-instructs, his tone low and raspy.  
  
Chris moves back to where he was, sitting up fully against the headboard, legs straight out in front of him. He can’t tear his eyes off of Sebastian as he crawls forward, throws one leg over Chris’ thighs. Chris once again automatically grabs Sebastian’s hips as he slowly sinks down onto his cock, not stopping until Chris is buried to the hilt. He was already so damn close it takes every inch of self-control Chris has to keep from coming. The tight, wet heat is exquisite, unlike anything he’s ever felt before. He’d been imagining this moment as his fingers thrust into Sebastian, working him open, but he didn’t even come close to getting it right.  
  
Sebastian pauses for a few moments, his head tilted forward, his chest heaving a bit with his ragged breathing. Chris rubs his hands up and down Sebastian’s sides, his hips but keeps the rest of his body as still as possible. Even though Chris knows it isn’t more than a few minutes, it feels like it takes a small eternity for Sebastian to let out a deep sigh and lift his head, lust-dark eyes instantly locking onto Chris’. Sebastian smiles, soft and sweet – it’s not one of those bright, sunshine smiles that Chris loves so much but this smile is definitely a close second – and leans forward, his chest pressing against Chris’, his arms sliding around Chris’ shoulders. He brushes a kiss to Chris’ lips then slowly starts to roll his hips, just rocking in Chris’ lap, keeping his cock buried deep.  
  
Chris has had some amazing sex in his life but everything and everyone else that came before Sebastian easily pales in comparison. He’s been on the verge of overwhelmed for what feels like hours but what he’s been feeling up until now was nothing compared to this. Then Sebastian leans in even more, buries his face in the curve of Chris’ neck, soft, wet lips kissing over his thundering pulse, the sensitive skin beneath his ear. “Feels so good,” Sebastian murmurs, tone low and gravel-rough but still soft and breathy. He twists his hips, grinds down harder, moans right into Chris’ ear and all he can do is tighten his hands around Sebastian’s lean waist, his eyes squeezing closed as he does his best to hold out just a little bit longer.  
  
He’s lost all concept of time, has no idea how long they’ve been like this and he honestly doesn’t care. Nothing at all matters aside from Sebastian and the unimaginable pleasure coursing through his body. He moans when Sebastian scrapes his teeth along the hinge of his jaw then sits back up, his cock pushing in just a little bit deeper. Sebastian’s lips part, his eyes fluttering closed for a second then he reopens them, stormy-blue depths glittering as he moves his hands to Chris’ shoulders, fingers digging into the muscles just a bit as he lifts himself up, almost all the way off, then drops back down. He repeats the move and Chris damn-near chokes on a broken moan, his hips jerking up without any direct consent from his brain.  
  
“Yeah,” Sebastian breathes, picking up the pace just a bit. “Like that. Fuck, Chris…”  
  
Chris finally gets some semblance of control over his own body and snaps his hips up to meet each of Sebastian’s downward thrusts. Sebastian tilts his own hips just slightly, changing the angle a bit and on the next thrust he moans harshly, eyes squeezing closed again as he tosses his head back. Chris has never in his life seen anything so incredibly beautiful yet so unbelievably scorching-hot. He’s mostly moving just by instinct at this point, rocking up against Sebastian as he stares at him, taking in the way his muscles move and flex beneath his tan, sweat-slick flesh, the way his bitten-red lips part around moans, the sound of his name, the petal-pink blush of arousal that spreads from his cheekbones down his neck to his chest, his long, thick, rock-hard cock smearing pre-come across his perfectly defined six-pack abs with every thrust. He’s so Goddamn _beautiful_ and Chris is so far gone already, even more than he thought.  
  
Sebastian lifts his head back up, sweat-damp strands of long, dark hair sticking to his cheeks, eyes blinking open slowly. “More,” he moans. “God, Chris, need more.”  
  
As much as Chris enjoys the hell out of having Sebastian writhing in his lap – holy _fuck_ does he enjoy it – he’s a little limited in his ability to give Sebastian what he’s asking for. He sits up and wraps his arms around Sebastian, tilts his head up and kisses the underside of his jaw. “Hold on,” he rasps.  
  
Sebastian once again slides his arms around Chris’ shoulders, stops rolling his hips. He lifts Sebastian up a little and turns, lays him out on his back. When Sebastian’s eyes widen and he lets out a sexy as fuck, surprised, breathy moan, Chris is thankful as fuck for every hour in the gym, for all the time he’s had to put in over the years to maintain his ‘Marvel muscles’. “Holy shit,” Sebastian gasps, blinking slowly. Chris smirks and dips down, brushes a mostly chaste kiss to his lips. He settles more between Sebastian’s legs, weight on his forearms on either side of his head and thrusts back into Sebastian, hard, fast and deep. He falls into a rhythm right away, Sebastian clinging to his shoulders, thighs tight around his hips. “Jesus _fuck_ ,” he groans, blunt fingernails digging into Chris’ skin.  
  
“Like that, baby?” Chris pants.  
  
Before Sebastian can answer, Chris – accidentally, to be honest – changes the angle and Sebastian cries out, drags his nails down Chris’ back. “There,” he breathes. “Fuck, Chris, _right there_. Don’t stop…”  
  
Chris couldn’t stop right now even if his entire family and Jesus himself burst through the door.  
  
Sebastian arches his back and Chris slides his arms beneath him, hands gripping his shoulders, making damn sure to keep that perfect angle as he fucks into Sebastian hard and fast. He’s been so close for so long he honestly has no idea how he’s held out this long. “Seb, I can’t… I’m gonna…”  
  
Sebastian drops his right hand between them, his knuckles dragging along Chris’ stomach as he strokes himself. “Me too. Right there with ya.”  
  
Chris clenches his jaw and somehow manages to hold back for a few more minutes, long enough for Sebastian to cry out as he comes, release smearing between them, inner muscles pulsing, fluttering around him. He does his best to keep moving, to help work Sebastian through it but his own orgasm hits a few heartbeats later. They cling to each other, foreheads pressed together as they tremble and moan through their climaxes and the shivery aftershocks.  
  
They both groan when Chris pulls away. He dips down, brushes a kiss to Sebastian’s lips then pushes himself up off the bed and kind of stumbles out into the hallway to the bathroom. He ditches the condom and grabs a wash cloth. Sebastian’s eyes are closed when he comes back into the bedroom but Chris can tell he’s not asleep. He smiles without opening his eyes when Chris gently cleans him up, turns onto his side and cuddles close when Chris climbs into bed with him. Chris smiles in response and wraps his arms around him, kisses the top of his head. Chris nuzzles his nose through the sweat-damp mess of Sebastian’s hair, closes his eyes. “That was amazing,” he whispers.  
  
Sebastian turns his head just enough to press a kiss to Chris’ chest. “Mm,” he hums in reply, and just from that sound alone Chris can tell he’s already well on his way to falling asleep.  
  
There’s too much still going through Chris’ head, his body still strumming with sensation for him to fall asleep any time soon. So even though he wants to sit up with Sebastian and talk all night, maybe go for round two, he closes his eyes and forces his body to stay still – not an easy task, not when he’s this wound-up – and lets Sebastian sleep. They’ll have plenty of time to talk, cuddle, fuck and do all the millions of things Chris wants to do.  
  
***  
  
Chris barely gets a half hour of peace before the jumble of thoughts swirling in his brain turn against him. Deep down he knows a huge part of the reason he wanted to stay up and talk with Sebastian was to keep all the panic and anxiety at bay, knew that if he spent too much time in his own head that he’d eventually end up going down this path.  
  
He’s already so far gone, so truly, deeply in love, and he knows it’ll destroy him if he ever lost Sebastian.  
  
After that, it starts simple enough, just a brief thought of imagining the look on Hayley’s face when he tells her what happened but then it snowballs from there. He thinks about telling Scarlett, then Scott, his parents, Mackie, hell, even Downey and Hemsworth and even though it feels kind of overwhelming, he knows that they’ll all be happy for him, they’re his friends and family, the people he loves most in this world so it’ll be okay. But then he thinks about having to tell the people at Marvel. _Should_ he tell the people at Marvel? At least tell Feige and the Russo brothers? Would he realistically be able to keep it a secret? Would he even want to keep it a secret? Would everyone be able to look at him, at _them_ , and just be able to tell? How would their fans take it? How bad would things be if he tried to keep it under wraps and it ended up coming out anyway? Sure he’s got a contract and so does Sebastian but Marvel has ended contracts before and he has no doubt they’d do it again if need be. Would this ruin his career? Worse yet, how would all this affect Sebastian? The thought of anything negative happening to Sebastian because of this, because of _him_ , is enough to make him sick, his stomach twisting, his heart pounding hard in his chest. There’s _so much_ that could go wrong if he was to pursue anything with Sebastian. Well, anything _more_. Hell, there’s the potential that just this one night could blow up in his face in ways even his overactive imagination can’t even fathom. Their friendship will certainly never be the same, that’s for sure. Knowing that is actually more painful than any of the rest of it. Sure, they could probably have an amazing relationship if a lot of things were different and knowing that hurts as well but losing Sebastian as a friend is so much worse than regretting the loss of something he never really even had to begin with.  
  
He’s not proud of it but the need to get away, and get away _now_ , is all-consuming.  
  
Wiggling out from beneath Sebastian isn’t easy and it takes awhile. He finally manages and starts grabbing his clothes off the floor, the way his hands are shaking making getting dressed way harder than it should be. Sebastian makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, rolls toward the spot Chris had been laying and Chris freezes, jeans halfway pulled up. He watches for a few long minutes but Sebastian doesn’t wake up. Chris lets out a nearly silent sigh and quickly finishes pulling his clothes on. He means to leave as soon as he’s dressed but he finds himself once again staring down at Sebastian, his stomach twisting in knots even more, his chest aching. The thought of leaving Sebastian _hurts_ and he knows he’s a complete ass for sneaking out on him a mere hour after fucking him but the panic and anxiety are overriding what he knows he _should_ do.  
  
Chris knows he deserves the way his heart breaks when he finally finds the will to turn away from Sebastian and sneak out of his apartment in the dead of night. He deserves that and so much more.  
  
***  
  
Even though it’s almost 4 AM, Hayley answers when Chris calls. He got a room in the same hotel she’s staying in, so when he tells her that he needs her, she’s knocking on his door less than five minutes later.  
  
“God, Chris,” Hayley breathes, her eyes wide. “No offense but you look bloody awful, darling.”  
  
Chris leads her into his room, plops down on the couch next to her. “I fucked up so bad, Hales,” he whispers.  
  
Hayley slides an arm around his shoulders, pulls him toward her. Even though he’s the biggest asshole on the planet and doesn’t deserve her comfort and support, he leans against her side, rests his head on her shoulder. He’s so freaking weak. His eyes flutter closed when she slips her fingers into his hair, nails gently scratching his scalp. “What happened?”  
  
“After we dropped you off here… We ended up back at his place. We were talking and laughing and… God, I hate this fucking cliché but, one thing led to another…” He takes a deep, shuddering breath, forces himself to just fucking _say it_. “I fucked him then snuck out when he fell asleep.”  
  
Hayley’s quiet for so long that Chris pulls away to look up at her. The disappointment he can easily see in her chocolate-brown eyes makes him feel even worse. Which he honestly didn’t think was even possible.  
  
“Why?” she eventually asks.  
  
“Which one? Why’d I fuck him or why’d I sneak out?”  
  
“I thought you have feelings for him,” she states instead of answering.  
  
“I do,” Chris admits, barely above a whisper.  
  
“Then _why_ would you leave him like that? He must care for you as well if he let you fuck him.” Chris is _not_ going to mention the fact that Sebastian _more_ than just ‘cares’ for him. “I don’t… Explain it to me.”  
  
“I can barely even admit to myself just how much he means to me, how much I… love him,” his voice cracks slightly, tears stinging his eyes. He pushes himself up off the couch, paces aimlessly around the room. “I’ve _never_ felt like this before, for anyone else. And it scares the hell outta me. What if we got together and it didn’t work out and everything goes to shit?” he asks weakly when he turns back to her.  
  
“I’ve never been one for kicking a man in the balls when he’s down but do you honestly think things will be the same after this? He has feelings for you, he trusted you and in return you fuck him then run away. He’s a sweetheart and all but there’s a limit.”  
  
Chris drops back onto the couch, buries his face in his hands as the tears spill over. She’s entirely right and he knows it. Sebastian will never forgive him – he doesn’t deserve it and he doesn’t blame Sebastian – and they’ll never be friends again or be able to work together again. Hell, Chris wouldn’t blame Sebastian if he went to Marvel and told them what went wrong, what Chris did.  
  
He jerks in surprise when he feels Hayley’s hand on his shoulder. Her eyes are a bit softer when he looks up at her. “I like to think I know you pretty well,” she states quietly. “And I mean the _real_ you, the hopeless romantic that loves Disney, a real-life superhero. And _this_ ,” she sighs, shakes her head, “this isn’t the you I know and love. Okay, so what you feel for Sebastian is unlike anything you’ve ever felt and it scares you. That part I get, I even understand. But what happened after, that’s where it falls apart for me. _My_ Chris would never sneak out and hurt someone he loves so much. So talk me through it.”  
  
Chris rubs one hand down his face, shakes his head. “That’s the thing, Hayley, I don’t get it either.”  
  
“Okay, so at dinner, neither of you seemed drunk. Did you drink when you got to his place?”  
  
“No, what you saw at dinner was it.” Chris sighs, shakes his head. “We were both sober, it wasn’t some drunken mistake.”  
  
“Okay, so then what happened?”  
  
“I don’t even know,” Chris sighs again, leans back against the couch. “It was starting to get late and I said I should go. He… he asked if I was gonna head home tonight. When I told him I was just gonna get a hotel, he offered to let me stay there. And I don’t… I don’t know if he saw something in my eyes or whatever but he reached out and cupped the side of my neck,” he closes his eyes, can remember exactly how it felt, can remember the look in Sebastian’s eyes, “and things just kinda… went on from there.”  
  
“Okay. I’m pretty sure I already know this answer but I have to ask. Don’t get mad at me okay?” Chris turns his head to look at her, brow furrowed but he nods. “It isn’t the whole… ‘Oh my God, I’m attracted to a guy’ thing, right?”  
  
He can understand why she’d ask. Scarlett is the only one of his friends that know about him fucking around with those guys early in his career. And just because he’s a huge supporter of gay rights and an even bigger supporter of Scott, it doesn’t mean that he would automatically be immune to the usual straight guy freak-out when coming to terms with the fact that you might not be as straight as you thought you were. “No, that’s not a problem at all.” Hayley quirks an eyebrow. “Scarlett and Scott are the only other ones who know this… and Sebastian now too… but I have messed around with guys before…” he trails off, shrugging one shoulder.  
  
“Okay so not a freak-out about a sudden bi-epiphany.” Hayley pulls both legs up onto the couch, crosses them, ends up sitting so she’s facing Chris directly. “What happened next?  
  
Even though he’s a grown-ass man and Hayley already knows they had sex – not to mention she’s become one of his closest friends and they’ve talked about sex before – Chris’ cheeks flush hot and he turns his head again, stares unseeing at the ceiling. “Hayley,” he whines.  
  
“Chris,” she whines right back at him. When a few minutes pass and he doesn’t say anything, she kicks his thigh. Reluctantly, he turns to look at her, head rolling along the cushion. “You don’t have to share the details,” she states but her eyes are twinkling, “even though I think it’s terribly selfish of you not to at least give me _something_.” Chris rolls his eyes, huffs through his nose. “Oh come on, darling. This is my first chance to dish about boys with you,” she pauses, licks her lips, eyes sparkling even more. “And this would be the _perfect_ one to gossip about considering how yummy Sebastian is,” she teases with a wide, toothy grin.  
  
For a second Chris thinks about teasing her back or mock warning her to stay away from _his_ guy – which just makes his stomach twist even more; Sebastian isn’t _his_ anything. He huffs out a half-groan, half-sigh. “Ugh, I know right? But he… he’s more than just yummy. He’s _beyond_ beautiful and so amazing.” He pauses, closes his eyes, lets himself remember their time together even though it hurts like hell. “Physically,” Chris eventually goes on, reopens his eyes to look at Hayley, “it was… _God_ , so fucking amazing. Easily the best sex I’ve ever had. But it wasn’t just _that_ , ya know? I’ve had really great sex before but with Sebastian… everything was different. We were so in tune with each other. I just… I can’t really even describe it. I’ve been in love before, fucked girls I’ve loved but with him…” he trails off, shakes his head. “Everything just felt like _more_ , like… I’d finally found what I’ve been missing and searching for my whole life.”  
  
“Whoa,” Hayley breathes, eyes wide.  
  
“Yeah,” Chris huffs. “I was laying there holding him, pressed together so close there wasn’t even room for air between us and I was the happiest I’ve ever been.” He pauses, swallows thickly around the lump in his throat, fresh tears trickling down his cheeks. Hayley crawls to him, wraps herself around his much bigger frame as much as possible, one hand on the back of his head, gently urging him to lean more into her, to rest his head on her chest. He wraps his arms around her tiny waist then forces himself to finish this. “That’s right around the time the panic and anxiety crept in. I started freaking out about how much I already love him, _need_ him, and how it would _destroy_ me if I lost him. I started to worry about all the movies he and I still have on our contracts and whether or not to tell people and if we didn’t tell people how we’d have to hide our relationship. I worked myself into one hell of a combo panic/anxiety attack, unable to stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, how easy it would be to fuck everything up, how we could lose _everything_.” He squeezes his eyes closed, his voice starting to tremble as he feels himself getting worked up again. Hayley coos softly in the back of her throat, gently pets his hair with one hand, up and down his back with the other. He forces himself to keep going. They’re almost to the end. “So I… I p-pulled away from h-him, careful not to w-wake him, g-got dressed, c-came here, c-called you.”  
  
He lets out a shaky half-sob and curls into the warmth and comfort of Hayley’s small frame as much as he can.  
  
“Chris… I’m so sorry, darling,” she soothes, doing her best to work him through the panic. This isn’t the first time she’s had to help hold him together but it is by far the worst.  
  
He lost an amazing friend and co-star, the man that he’s pretty sure is the love of his life, his soul mate, all because he wasn’t strong enough. Oh the irony. He’s never felt more like Steve Rogers.  
  
He stays curled up in her arms and cries himself to sleep.  
  
***  
  
Chris’ head is pounding, his stomach twisting in knots, hell, even his eyelids are aching. He’s pretty sure he’s still on the couch in his hotel room but there’s no way he’s going to open his eyes to check. Whatever he’s laying on dips and he feels long, gentle fingers card through his hair. Of course his first thought is Hayley but the scent of her perfume is different. This smells like… _Scarlett_.  
  
Despite how sore his entire body is, his eyes snap open when he sits up, automatically locking with worried green. Her hair’s red again, longer than how she wore it in _The Avengers_ but as always she’s beautiful, even with no make up and dressed in a pair of sweats. He hasn’t seen her in months and despite everything, he almost can’t breathe around how fucking happy he is that she’s here.  
  
“How’d you…” Wow. It sounds like he’d spent the night gargling shards of broken glass. Then drank a fifth of cheap whiskey. And smoked a whole carton of cigarettes.  
  
“Hayley called after you crashed. I hopped the first flight out.”  
  
“So… you know.” It’s not a question.  
  
“Honestly, no I don’t. Hayley just told me that _something_ happened and it wasn’t her place to give me the details but you needed me. So here I am,” Scarlett shrugs one shoulder, flashes him a soft smile.  
  
“Did Hayley leave?”  
  
“Your room, yes. The hotel, no. She went back to her room when I got here so she could shower and change. She’s also gonna order some food then she’ll be back.”  
  
He wants to apologize for Hayley calling and worrying her, for fucking up so badly and being such a wreck. But the truth is he needs her, as well as Hayley, right now. Still… “’m so sorry.”  
  
“You damn-well know that you _never_ have to apologize to me for anything.” She wiggles closer, their arms and legs tangling, her fingers once again carding through his hair. She gives him a few minutes before asking softly, “Why are there twenty missed calls and even more missed texts from Sebastian on your phone?”  
  
Chris pulls away enough to look at her, his eyes wide. He turned his ringer off after he called Hayley but hadn’t turned it back on. Scarlett must have done so when she got here. Chris didn’t – couldn’t – let himself think about how Sebastian would feel waking up alone like that and then for Chris to not answer or reply to him in however many hours it has been. He convinced himself Sebastian would be angry and not want to talk to him. But that isn’t who Sebastian is, even if he was angry. Sebastian has likely been worried and hurt. Fuck, he really has fucked this up six ways from Sunday. He’d been so selfish, so horrible, a huge disappointment, a burden, inconsiderate, and so much more; three of the people he loves the most having to pay the price.  
  
“I fucked up, Scarlett. _So bad_ ,” he rasps around the lump in his throat.  
  
“Start by tellin’ me what happened then we’ll work on finding a way to fix it.”  
  
“There’s no fixing this.”  
  
“Tell me and let me be the judge of that.”  
  
He doesn’t deserve her.  
  
Telling Scarlett is so much harder than telling Hayley had been. Him and Scarlett have been friends for _years_ , she’s like a sister to him, and he _hates_ disappointing her. “ _Really_ long story short… I’m stupidly in love with Sebastian, found out he feels the same, then I fucked him and snuck out after he fell asleep. I have no idea how he feels about any of that, what he’s thinking and all those calls and texts are from where I turned my ringer off after I got here and called Hayley.” Scarlett blinks slowly, lips parted. “Did you… Did you read the texts, check the messages?” Chris whispers. He honestly doesn’t care if she did. In fact, he’s kind of hoping for it.  
  
“I read a few texts,” she admits softly. “From what I saw, he’s just worried. _A_ _lot_.”  
  
“God,” he breathes, closes his stinging eyes, swallows thickly around the lump in his throat. “What the hell am I gonna do?” It’s mostly a rhetorical question. He doesn’t honestly expect Scarlett to have an answer. He should really know better though. Of course she’s going to answer.  
  
“Well, I’d say first things first is to let him know you aren’t lyin’ dead in a ditch somewhere.”  
  
“That’s not…”  
  
“I’m serious, Chris,” she cuts him off. He reopens his eyes to look at her. “Just from the few texts I read, he’s _really_ worried. And despite what happened, how you acted, _everything_ else, you owe him that much at least.” She’s right, as always. Her and Hayley have that annoying habit in common.  
  
“How can I… I don’t even know where to _start_.”  
  
Scarlett huffs, rolls her eyes then reaches out and grabs his phone. She chews on her bottom lip as she types… _something_ , pauses then types some more. He’s almost afraid to even ask. “There,” she announces, tossing his phone back onto the table.  
  
“What’d you do?” Chris whispers.  
  
“I told him the truth,” she replies simply, shrugs one shoulder.  
  
“The truth?” Chris repeats incredulously, his head pounding even harder than before.  
  
“Well, not the _entire_ truth,” she amends, rolls her eyes again. He stares at her, eyebrows raised. “I said that it was me, that you’re fine and that you’ll call him later.”  
  
“That’s not… How the hell can I call him later if I have no idea what to say to him?!”  
  
“Look, you know I love you,” she starts softly, flashing him a small smile. “Even though you can be a real idiot at times. I also _know_ you and I know that you’ll end up doing the right thing, even if it isn’t easy and even after you fucked up so badly.”  
  
“That… doesn’t actually help, Scarlett,” he mutters, refusing to admit that he’s whining, just a little.  
  
“You’ll figure it out.” She sighs again, shakes her head. “And you know Hayley and I will help. But really, it all comes down to the fact that you’re going to have to talk to him and you’re going to have to be honest. We start filming in less than two weeks, Chris. Even if you can’t work out the relationship stuff, you at least need to be able to work together…”  
  
“Still not helping,” Chris chokes out. _This_ is _exactly_ what he was worried about.  
  
“I don’t know Sebastian but if you love him he must be a pretty awesome guy…”  
  
“He is,” Chris whispers.  
  
“Then if you talk to him and explain things I’m sure he’ll understand.”  
  
“Would you?” Chris asks quietly. She opens her lips then closes them, the look in her eyes saying everything he needs to know.  
  
Before either of them can say anything else, there’s a knock at his door. For a second Chris thinks it might be Sebastian. Part of him hopes that it is while the other part really hopes that it isn’t. He wants to see him, _so_ _bad_ , but he still has no clue how to even start to make things right which means that he’ll more than likely just end up making things so much worse.  
  
Scarlett opens the door and despite it being a good thing at the moment, there’s a flash of disappointment when he sees that it’s Hayley.  
  
The three of them pile onto the unused king-sized bed and Hayley makes Chris eat, even though he still feels like he’s going to throw up at any second – it’s almost like he has a hang-over without the fun of being drunk the night before. Of course Scarlett takes Hayley’s side, both of them ganging up on him and practically force-feeding him.  
  
He refuses to admit that he feels marginally better with food in his stomach.  
  
After they eat they do spend a bit of time trying to work through Chris’ problem. They don’t have a lot of success. Hayley and Scarlett are of the very strong opinion that Chris should just suck it up and go see him right now and explain everything. In theory, it’s not a _bad_ plan. But Chris just can’t force himself to do it. He knows damn-well that he owes Sebastian an explanation, there’s no doubt about that, but he doesn’t have the guts to do it. Sebastian has every right to hate him, to never speak to him again and when Chris thinks about that, about facing him and hearing that Sebastian hates him, it sends him into a panic all over again. Deep down he knows he’s going to lose Sebastian over this and he just can’t handle that.  
  
***  
  
They go their separate ways a few hours later, no closer to figuring out Chris’ problem than he was in the early hours of the morning when he’d first called Hayley. Instead of heading back to Boston, he goes to LA, even though LA is kind of the last place he wants to be right now. But if he goes home he’ll definitely see his family and even though he wants to talk to his mom or Scott about this he knows they’d be even more disappointed in him than Scarlett and Hayley had been and he definitely can’t handle that right now. All any of them would have to do is take one look at him and they’d know something is wrong and he can’t lie to them. He’ll cave eventually, he knows for a fact, but he can’t do it now, not while it’s still so raw.  
  
So he flies into LA and goes to the house that he owns there that feels even less like home than ever before. It’s too big, too empty and too quiet which unfortunately just gives him even more time to think and dwell and worry. For three days he barely eats, barely sleeps, doesn’t talk to anyone, alternating between pacing and curling up on the couch, staring at he wall, thinking through all the things he wants to say to Sebastian, _needs_ to say to him, tries to figure out a way to try and fix even _some_ of the mess he made. He knows what he has to do, even knows what he needs to say, but he can’t find the balls to do it, panic overtaking him every time he even _thinks_ about picking up the phone. So he paces and worries more, ends up working himself up into a pretty unhealthy cycle. It’s not good for him, he knows that, but right now he kind of just needs to wallow in the hurt before he forces himself to get up and face the world outside his front door.  
  
There’s a knock at his door on the fourth day and he’s damn tempted to just ignore it. But there’s only a handful of people it could be and every last one of them would gladly kick his ass for that. So he forces himself off the couch and answers.  
  
Chris damn-near swallows his own tongue when he opens the door and finds Sebastian standing there on his front porch, a small, tentative smile curling up his lips. Chris stares at him, dumbfounded. The only thought running through his head is the fact that Sebastian looks _amazing,_ even though he’s only wearing jeans and a t-shirt while Chris is wearing just a pair of sweat pants and a wash-worn t-shirt that’s seen better days and more than likely looks just as bad as he feels.  
  
“I made Scarlett tell me where you were,” Sebastian says quietly. “Don’t get mad at her.”  
  
“I won’t. I never have been able to, really,” Chris replies around a soft huff after a few long moments. He jerks a bit and moves to the side, silently waving his arm to indicate that Sebastian can come in if he wants. Sebastian nods, just a barely-there jerk of his chin and slips in past Chris. Their bodies don’t touch but they _almost_ do and Chris can smell him, a warm, woodsy scent, and it makes his head spin. “I, uh, I’m actually glad she did,” he adds as he leads Sebastian further inside.  
  
Sebastian turns to him, that same smile still curling up his lips. “Yeah?” he asks softly.  
  
“Yeah,” Chris agrees. He swallows thickly and watches as Sebastian sits down on his couch, looking right at him instead of looking around the room. Those steel-blue eyes on him make him want to squirm. “I… I almost called you like, a thousand times,” he admits, barely more than a whisper. He forces his legs to move, sits down on the couch as well, room enough between them for at least one other person, maybe two. He clears his throat and makes himself keep the eye contact. “I just couldn’t find the right words. I… God, Sebastian, I’m _so_ sorry.”  
  
“Chris, you don’t…”  
  
“Yeah, I really do,” Chris cuts him off gently. Sebastian’s lips part and Chris holds up one hand, takes a deep breath. “Just. Let me say this? Please?” Sebastian sighs but nods. “I was… I was so incredibly horrible to you…”  
  
“No you weren’t,” Sebastian cuts him off this time, his brow furrowed slightly. He’s honestly the sweetest, kindest person Chris has ever known so it really doesn’t surprise him at all that he’d think that way.  
  
“Can you just…” Chris pauses, wipes one hand down over his face. “Lemme get this out, okay? Please?” Sebastian sighs and nods again. All the things that he’s thought of to say over the last three days, the ways he’s played this conversation out in his head, is just gone. This is his _one_ shot and he knows it, this moment is _so_ damn important, but now that it matters the most, with Sebastian sitting right in front of him, he can’t find the words, is terrified that no matter what he says or how he says it, it won’t matter. “I don’t…” he chokes out, can feel the panic starting to well up inside him.  
  
During shooting of _The First Avenger_ , Sebastian saw a few of Chris’ panic attacks. So it really isn’t a surprise that he recognizes the signs. He instantly scoots closer, one hand gripping the back of Chris’ neck, the other pressing against his chest, over his pounding heart. “Hey, c’mon, it’s alright,” Sebastian murmurs, putting a bit of pressure on the hand he has on Chris’ chest. “Just look at me, focus on me, and breathe for me, okay?” Sebastian’s voice is soft, soothing, and it’s so stupidly easy for Chris to focus on him. Hell, he spent most of filming focusing on Sebastian. “Breathe with me,” Sebastian urges quietly. Chris follows his lead, takes a few deep, shuddering breaths. “That’s it, that’s good.” The praise sends a shiver down Chris’ spine and surprisingly goes a long way in calming him down. “You good now?” Sebastian asks after a few more minutes of just them breathing together. Chris nods. Sebastian smiles in return.  
  
Unfortunately he drops his hands but thankfully he doesn’t scoot away. Chris clears his throat, steels himself to try this again. “Seb, I…”  
  
“Chris, no,” Sebastian interrupts, frowning slightly. “You don’t need to say anything.”  
  
“But I do,” Chris counters. Sebastian huffs out another sigh. “I was… so horrible to you,” Chris repeats, shakes his head. He’s a little surprised that Sebastian doesn’t try to stop him again. “It… It isn’t an excuse and I’m not trying to use it as one but when we were lying there and after you fell asleep… I was thinking about how happy I was, that I honestly had never been that happy in my life and that’s when the panic kicked in.”  
  
“I know about your anxiety, Chris,” Sebastian points out quietly. “And I know that’s what happened. It’s okay.”  
  
“It’s not okay,” Chris argues. He doesn’t _want_ to move away from Sebastian, even though they aren’t touching any more, but he can feel himself getting worked up again, his body needing to move. He stands up and paces across the room, stops with his back to Sebastian, the tension in his shoulders painful and giving him a slight headache. “I freaked out and fucked up and you had to pay the price. I _never_ wanted to hurt you but that’s exactly what I did. I… Fuck, Seb, I don’t know how you can even stand to look at me.”  
  
He jerks when he feels Sebastian’s hands gently grabbing his arms. “Chris, stop, please?” he half-asks, half-commands. Chris shakes his head again. Sebastian tugs a little, tries to get him to turn around but Chris resists. He isn’t at all surprised when Sebastian circles around him, leaving them face to face. “If you wanna be mad at someone, be mad at me.” Chris frowns, his nose wrinkling a little. That makes _no_ sense. “I pushed you too far, too fast…”  
  
“No you didn’t,” Chris shoots back instantly. That honestly couldn’t be further from the truth.  
  
“I know about your anxiety,” Sebastian says again. “And the panic attacks. I shouldn’t have…”  
  
“Seb, no,” Chris cuts him off quietly. “That isn’t… I wanted it, wanted _you_. That wasn’t the problem, at all.” He inhales deeply, exhales slowly, a little shakily. “I still do,” he admits, barely above a whisper. “What freaked me out so much was how much I already felt for you and how badly I could end up fucking up _everything_.”  
  
“Chris,” Sebastian breathes. He takes a step forward, leaving them close enough that their chests are _almost_ touching.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Chris whispers, tears stinging his eyes. “I was so afraid of fucking everything up that that’s exactly what I did.”  
  
Sebastian slowly reaches out, giving Chris plenty of time to stop him. Chris doesn’t want to stop him. He reaches up and cups his cheek, Chris leans into the touch with a sigh, his eyes fluttering closed. “I don’t want things to be like this between us,” Sebastian says softly after a few moments. Chris reopens his eyes, his stomach twisting. He knew that he’d fucked up, knew that no matter what he said it wouldn’t be enough, but still, hearing it hurts more than he already knew it would. Before he can take a step back, to once again put some much needed distance between them, Sebastian reaches out with his other hand, fingers curling around Chris’ hip. He takes another step closer, their chests touching with every breath they take. “I don’t mean that however you’re thinking.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I can see you starting to panic again. And _that’s_ what I meant. I don’t want… this, _us_ , to cause you panic, to _hurt_ you. I… I love you too much for that.”  
  
“It’s not really… us. It’s more like… everything that could go wrong _because_ of us.”  
  
Sebastian searches his eyes for a few silent moments then drops both his hands. He automatically grabs Chris’ hand, laces their fingers together and leads him back to the couch. He smiles and gently urges Chris to sit then settles down next to him, one bent leg up on the cushion to face him – just like he did _that_ night. “If you wanna talk this out, I’m more than happy to,” Sebastian starts softly, squeezing Chris’ fingers a bit. “But I meant what I said, I don’t want to upset you or send you into another panic attack, okay?”  
  
“I owe you an explanation.”  
  
“Which you gave me. As well as an apology,” he adds when Chris opens his lips. That part of him that’s still so scared of how he feels about Sebastian gets a little more freaked out at just how well Sebastian knows him.  
  
“It was a shitty explanation,” Chris mutters.  
  
“Like I said, I knew what happened that night…”  
  
“But what I did,” Chris cuts in, shakes his head, “the way I just left while you were asleep instead of talking to you about my concerns like a normal person… Fuck, you should hate me.”  
  
“I could never,” Sebastian replies quietly. He scoots a bit closer, once again reaches up and cups Chris’ jaw. “I was worried,” he goes on, his thumb lightly rubbing over Chris’ cheekbone. “Even after Scarlett sent me a text back.”  
  
“I’m sorry I worried you.”  
  
Sebastian smiles, squeezes Chris’ fingers again. To his disappointment, he does drop his hand away from his cheek though. “And I’m sorry that you had a panic attack. And, knowing you, you’ve probably been panicking this whole time too. So I’m sorry about that as well.”  
  
“You didn’t… There’s nothing for you to apologize for.”  
  
“I’m still sorry that you went through it. And I… I’m sorry for not coming to see you sooner. At first I thought giving you a bit of time and space would be a good thing. But then I really thought about it and realized that wasn’t the case.” He takes a deep breath, flashes Chris another smile. “So, as I said, if you wanna talk this out, I’m here. If not then…” he pauses, his smile dimming slightly, his brow furrowing a bit. “Then… I don’t really know. But we’ll figure it out.”  
  
Chris got to know Sebastian pretty well before, during and after filming and he can tell he’s trying to stay upbeat, trying to keep any pressure at all off of him. He appreciates it, really he does, but it isn’t fair to Sebastian. He deserves more of an explanation than Chris gave him, deserves to know where Chris’ head is at, even if he doesn’t even entirely know that himself.  
  
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone,” he admits softly. “Like I said, it took me awhile to figure it out but by the time I did, I was already so stupidly in love with you.” He pauses, takes a deep, shuddering breath, lets it out slowly. “That night was… so amazing,” he goes on, his voice a little hoarse. “And after, I was so happy. And it wasn’t just the sex,” he can feel his cheeks heat slightly but ignores it, forces himself to keep going, “it was… everything. Holding you and knowing that you felt the same for me, the thought of being with you… It was everything I ever wanted. I was already in so deep and I let myself think of how bad it would destroy me if I lost you,” his voice cracks a bit, his throat tightening as those intrusive thoughts start cycling through his head again. “And then I thought… I thought about…” he trails off, his throat tightening even more, tears stinging his eyes.  
  
“Chris, stop,” Sebastian snaps, soft but firm. It takes Chris so completely by surprise he clamps his lips closed, his eyes widening a little. He’s never heard Sebastian get even remotely irritated, let alone bordering on actual anger. Sebastian sighs, his shoulders shifting and now that Chris is really paying attention, it wasn’t anger that made Sebastian snap, it was worry. “I don’t want you to get yourself worked-up again, okay? I don’t… I mean it, you really don’t owe me any more of an explanation than you’ve given me.”  
  
“But I do,” Chris argues. “I just keep fucking this up. And I’m sorry for that.” He huffs out a sigh, shakes his head. “And that’s what I was worrying so much about. There’s _so much_ that could go wrong, so many things at stake, so many people that could get hurt or pay the price for my actions… _especially_ you and here I am, fucking it up like I knew I would…”  
  
Chris makes a soft, confused noise when Sebastian leans in and kisses him, effectively stopping the flow of words. Chris blinks slowly when Sebastian pulls away, barely noticing the few tears that break free to trickle down his cheeks. But he’s overly aware of Sebastian cupping his face, thumbs gently wiping them away. “God, Chris, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known. And I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. There are so many wonderful things about you.” Again, Chris doubts Sebastian wants the list he has handy in his head that shows he isn’t all that great. “And I will sit here and name them all if I have to.” It still freaks him out a little just how well Sebastian knows him. “And to me, that’s what matters.”  
  
Chris really, _really_ doesn’t deserve this man.  
  
“I’m still sorry that I hurt you,” Chris whispers. “That’s… I never wanted to do that.”  
  
“I know. But you were hurting too.”  
  
“Still doesn’t make it right.”  
  
Sebastian huffs, rolls his eyes. “You’d think by now I’d be used to how fuckin’ stubborn you are,” he grumbles. Chris knows he isn’t mad, can see him fighting back a smile, blue eyes twinkling. “I swear, you could give Steve Rogers a run for his money for the title of most pigheaded.”  
  
That surprises a loud, barking laugh from Chris. Sebastian’s eyes light up even more and he loses the battle to keep from smiling. It’s one of those big, bright smiles that crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes his nose scrunch. It’s still simultaneously the most beautiful and most adorable Goddamn thing Chris has ever seen in his life. “I love you,” he blurts out, surprising both of them. It isn’t the first time he’s said it but it’s still new enough that it takes him a bit off-guard every time.  
  
Sebastian’s smile turns soft, so full of love that Chris is positive he could drown in it. “I love you, too.”  
  
Although there’s a part of Chris that feels like there’s more they need to talk about, that somehow there’s something he could say that would explain what he was so worried about better. Logically he knows that Sebastian doesn’t need all the little details, that what he did manage to get out was enough, but there’s that part of him that’s filled with self-doubt and self-loathing that insists that what he said wasn’t enough, that he owes it to Sebastian to spill every thought, that says that he should drop to his knees and beg Sebastian’s forgiveness then beg him not to leave him, even if he doesn’t deserve either. He doesn’t want to keep going around and around about all this though. Sebastian has forgiven him, didn’t ever really even blame him, and that’s really all that matters.  
  
“I want this,” Chris murmurs. “I want _you_.”  
  
Sebastian pushes closer, their chests pressing together completely – not even room for air between them, then slides slides his arms around Chris’ shoulders when Chris grabs his hips, Sebastian’s eyes darkening a bit, his lips parting softly. Chris stares into his eyes for a few long moments, fascinated by the play of emotion in those expressive depths, then leans in and brushes a soft, chaste kiss to his lips.  
  
Sebastian makes a soft, almost-hurt noise in the back of his throat, one hand sliding up to palm the back of Chris’ head before he can pull away completely. Their gazes catch for a split-second before Sebastian crashes their lips together again, instantly pushing to deepen the kiss. Chris groans, wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist. He doesn’t even think about trying to take control, more than happy to let Sebastian run the show. It’s a true testament to just how much he loves and trusts Sebastian. That first time in New York, even though there were a few times that Sebastian gained a bit of control, Chris took it back every time. It wasn’t about Sebastian, not really, it’s his own issues with being a control freak and his anxiety. But he _wants_ to be able to lose that tightly held control with Sebastian, wants things to be more even between them. He knows it’s not going to be as easy as just wanting it, it’s something that he’s going to have to work toward and there will probably be times that he fucks up but he does know, deep down where it really counts, that if – and when – he fucks up it’ll be okay, they’ll work through it.  
  
By the time Chris pulls back from the kiss with a breathless gasp, Sebastian is mostly in his lap, both of them clinging to each other, and he can feel the mostly-hard length of Sebastian’s cock pressing against his hip. He’s really no better off, his own dick pressing against the thick muscle of Sebastian’s thigh.  
  
“Me too,” Sebastian breathes. For a second Chris has no idea what he’s talking about. Kissing Sebastian does that to him, leaves him off balance, everything else around them fading away. “God, Chris, me too. Want this… you so much.” Oh, now he remembers.  
  
“Good,” he rasps, unable to stop himself from sliding one hand up Sebastian’s back, fingers sinking into his hair. Sebastian smiles, leans in, their foreheads pressed together. Chris doesn’t want to push for anything, doesn’t know if they should take things slow now even though they’ve already slept together, but fuck he wants to drag Sebastian to his bedroom and spend the next several days not getting out of bed except for food. “Sebastian, I…”  
  
Sebastian tilts his head just enough to brush an achingly soft kiss to his lips then pulls back enough to look into Chris’ eyes. Chris almost chokes on a broken moan when Sebastian flexes his thigh, pushing against Chris’ cock. Chris automatically slides his other hand down Sebastian’s back, over the sinfully-sweet curve of his ass, fingers digging into the firm muscle, silently urging Sebastian to press against him. Instead, Sebastian crawls the rest of the way into his lap, wraps his arms back around Chris, deliberately rolling his hips forward, his straining length rubbing against Chris’ abs then rocks back, grinding down against Chris. It doesn’t take any time at all for Chris to harden the rest of the way, the too dry slide of friction feels too good and he’s surrounded completely by all things _Sebastian_ , the heat of his body against Chris’, his scent all around Chris, the taste of him on Chris’ lips and tongue, the still new but slightly familiar feeling of Sebastian’s touch, the way his emotions have been all over the place the last five days, it’s all too much but not enough and he feels a little like he’s going crazy.  
  
Even though kissing Sebastian won’t help his situation at all, Chris still pulls him back in by the hold he still has in Sebastian’s hair, crashing their lips together again. The kiss starts out fast and dirty, desperate and almost violent, all teeth and tongues. But after a few long minutes, Sebastian palms Chris’ cheek, eases back, slows things down. “Easy, babe,” he breathes the words into the kiss, smearing them against Chris’ lips. Chris hums in agreement and feels some of the tension that had built up drain away. Sebastian must feel it too – Chris can feel him smiling into the kiss – the hand on his cheek sliding around his neck, ends up cradling the back of his head.  
  
Everything slows down after that. There’s still arousal coursing through his entire body but it doesn’t feel as desperate and all-consuming as just a few minutes ago. He truly believes that he could sit on his couch, making out with and holding Sebastian for the rest of forever and he’d be completely, utterly happy.  
  
He has no idea how long they’ve been at it but at some point Sebastian pulls back, looks deep into Chris’ eyes. “Bedroom?” Sebastian half-asks.  
  
Chris inhales deeply, exhales slowly, both hands rubbing up and Sebastian’s back. “Are you sure? I mean, we don’t… we can slow down or whatever…”  
  
Sebastian presses a hand over Chris’ mouth, a fond, slightly exasperated smile curling up his lips, shining in his lust-dark eyes. “Stop, take a breath.” Chris does, can feel some of the pressure in his lungs lessening. “I was the one that suggested it,” Sebastian points out quietly. “I want you. But I figured after what happened you wouldn’t be the one to ask so I did.”  
  
He isn’t wrong.  
  
“Gotta lemme up,” Chris murmurs after just a few seconds of hesitation, patting Sebastian’s hip.  
  
As soon as Sebastian is on his feet Chris is right behind him, grabs his hand and leads him down the hallway. Once they’re inside Chris’ bedroom, standing at the foot of his bed, they strip each other down, pausing every few moments to kiss and touch each bit of skin that’s revealed. They crawl onto the mattress together, ending up with Chris on his back, Sebastian pressed up against his side. Chris moans, tilts his head back against the pillows, one hand cradling the back of Sebastian’s head as he kisses and gently nips his way down Chris’ throat. “Tell me what you want,” Sebastian breathes against Chris’ ear. It sends a shiver down his spine, his fingers tightening in the thick strands of Sebastian’s hair.  
  
He doesn’t let himself overthink things for once. “Want you to fuck me,” he rasps, his cheeks flushing hot.  
  
Sebastian pulls back to look down at him, his eyes a little wide, ignoring Chris’ groan of protest, resists Chris trying to pull him back down. “Chris…”  
  
“I know what you’re gonna say,” Chris cuts him off gently. Sebastian quirks an eyebrow. “I mean it,” he insists. “I _want_ to. And I trust you.”  
  
Sebastian sighs softly, presses impossibly closer to Chris’ side, tips of his fingers tracing over Chris’ cheekbone, the side of his mouth, then across his lips. Chris kisses the pads, forces himself to stare into Sebastian’s eyes, hoping he can see the truth. He can’t say he isn’t nervous but he does want it.  
  
“You don’t…” Sebastian cuts himself off, sighs again. “Don’t get mad at me, okay? Please?”  
  
“Why would I get mad at you?” Chris asks quietly, unable to stop himself from lifting his head and brushing a kiss to Sebastian’s lips, his hands in constant motion, rubbing along Sebastian’s sides, his back, his shoulders, enjoying the hell out of the play of firm muscle beneath his touch.  
  
“’cause I have to say this, okay?” Chris frowns slightly, brow furrowed. Sebastian’s eyes and face are so expressive that Chris usually has no trouble knowing what he’s feeling. But right now, he has no freaking clue.  
  
“I won’t get mad, I promise,” Chris states quietly after a few minutes of silence, Sebastian obviously resigned to not continue until Chris agreed.  
  
“You don’t have to do this, okay? You don’t have to… prove anything to me.”  
  
Even without the promise, Chris wouldn’t have gotten angry about that. He can’t really blame Sebastian for thinking that considering how badly Chris fucked things up before. Hell, if the situation was reversed he’d think the same thing. Sebastian _does_ know him really well, better than anyone else aside from his family and Scarlett, and with his anxiety and need to control everything, he can see where Sebastian is coming from, why he’s worried about it. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting.  
  
Sebastian can no doubt read it in his eyes. “Chris,” he breathes, his brow furrowed again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart…”  
  
_That_ sends a pleasant little shiver down Chris’ spine.  
  
He tightens his arms around Sebastian when he tries to pull away. “Don’t, please?” he whispers. The thought of Sebastian pulling away hurts more than Sebastian’s worries ever could. He lets out a relieved breath when Sebastian settles back against him. “I get why you said that,” Chris goes on softly. Sebastian raises his eyebrow again. Chris pulls one arm from around Sebastian, runs the tips of his fingers along Sebastian’s brow, down the side of his face, mirroring the way Sebastian’s fingers had moved over his face. He’s so fucking _beautiful_. “Really, I get it.” He pauses, takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “I told you I’d never lie to you so I will admit that, even though I understand, it does still hurt a little…”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian repeats.  
  
“I know. But it’s really okay. The way I acted before… If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d worry about the same thing. But I’m being completely honest when I say that I want it. I… Again, because I won’t lie to you, I admit that I am a little nervous. But I wanna do it, okay? I trust you completely.” Chris brushes his fingers over Sebastian’s lips, lifts his head and kisses him again. “I love you, Sebastian,” he whispers.  
  
If they weren’t pressed so close to each other and Chris wasn’t hyper-aware of everything about Sebastian – especially right now – he would’ve missed the way Sebastian’s breath hitches just slightly. “I love you, too,” Sebastian whispers back, cards his fingers through Chris’ hair. He silently stares into Chris’ eyes for a few moments then dips down, presses another of those achingly soft kisses to Chris’ lips. “If you want or need to stop, for _any_ reason, tell me.” Chris can only nod, heat instantly pulsing through his whole body. “Say it, please, Chris?” he half-begs, his voice breaking just barely. “Promise me.”  
  
Chris reaches up, palms both sides of Sebastian’s face. “I promise, Seb.”  
  
“Even… even if you just don’t like it,” Sebastian goes on, expressive eyes wide, overflowing with so many emotions. “Okay? I mean it, Chris. _Any_ reason.”  
  
“I promise, okay? No matter what, I’ll stop you if I need to.” Sebastian takes a deep breath, nods slightly. “Shh, it’s okay. C’mere, baby,” Chris practically coos, dropping one arm around Sebastian’s waist, pulling him in tight against his side, their legs tangling together. Chris lifts his head, the hand still on Sebastian’s cheek gently urging him to dip down. They meet in the middle, lips slanting together. Chris takes control, deepening the kiss, tongues sliding together slowly but thoroughly, passionately. They’re both breathing hard when Chris pulls back just enough to whisper, words smeared against Sebastian’s lips, “Want you so much, Seb. Need you. Love you.” Honestly, at this point, he’s not even entirely sure what the hell he’s saying anymore, just wants to soothe and reassure. It seems to work, Sebastian slowly starts to relax again, one kiss turning into two, three, bodies pressed together as close as possible, clinging to each other as the heat builds between them again.  
  
Sebastian slides his hand down Chris’ side, over his hip, fingers tightening just slightly. “Can you turn over for me?” he asks against Chris’ lips. Chris’ first instinct is to argue against it – he wants to be able to touch and kiss, wants to see Sebastian – but he’d vowed to himself not to take control, to let himself surrender and let Sebastian lead. It isn’t easy – he knew it wouldn’t be, he’s been too set in his ways for too long – but he wants it enough to push past the bit of panic that tries to creep in at the thought of letting go of the tightly held control he’s always clung to. He trusts Sebastian, more than anyone outside of his family, and he knows that Sebastian will take care of him, will hold him together if – when – he cracks. Chris hums softly in agreement and Sebastian moves away to give him enough room to flip over. But before he can get settled on his stomach, Sebastian whispers against his ear, “Hands and knees.”  
  
Chris hesitates for a second or two but does as Sebastian asked, pushes himself up onto his hands and knees. He does his best to ignore the way his cheeks heat, closes his eyes, his head hanging between his shoulders. So hyper-aware, he feels every move Sebastian makes; the mattress dipping as he settles between Chris’ legs, the slight brush of skin against the soft, sensitive flesh of his inner thighs, Sebastian’s hands feathering up the outside of his legs. His lips part around a soft sound of surprise mixed with pleasure when he feels the press of Sebastian’s warm, strong chest against his back, lips moving over the back of his shoulder, the nape of his neck. Sebastian’s fingers curl around Chris’ hips, his nose nuzzling beneath Chris’ ear. “Wanna show you somethin’,” Sebastian murmurs, lips ghosting over his ear. It sends a shiver down Chris’ spine and he moans softly, pushing ever so slightly back against Sebastian, self-consciousness momentarily forgotten. “You don’t like it, just say the word and I’ll stop,” Sebastian adds softly.  
  
Forcing his metric-ton of issues aside, Chris lifts his head, turns to look at Sebastian as best as he can over his shoulder. “I know you will. I trust you completely, Seb.” He turns a bit more, kisses Sebastian despite the awkward angle. “You don’t have to keep checkin’ in,” he whispers against Sebastian’s lips. “I promise I’ll tell you, okay?”  
  
Sebastian shifts his weight to one hand, cards his other hand through Chris’ hair. “I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I just don’t wanna do something you don’t like and I _really_ don’t wanna hurt you.”  
  
“I get it. But I know you won’t so it’s all good, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” Sebastian agrees quietly. He closes his eyes, his forehead resting against Chris’ temple for a few seconds. “You ready?” he asks softly when he pulls away just enough to look into Chris’ eyes.  
  
“Mmhmm,” Chris hums, brushes another kiss to Sebastian’s lips.  
  
Sebastian flashes him a small but real smile then pulls away completely. Chris turns his head back around, lets it hang between his shoulders again. Sebastian’s hands slide down his sides, once again curling around his hips. Chris moans when Sebastian kisses his way down his spine, stops at the small of his back. Sebastian’s hands then move to his ass, gripping and kneading his cheeks, pulling him open just slightly. He barely has time to register the flash of embarrassment at Sebastian looking at him _there_ – fuck, he feels like a freaking bumbling virgin and surprisingly _not_ because this is his first time being fucked – before he feels the warmth of Sebastian’s breath a split-second before the wet slide of his tongue dragging from the back of Chris’ balls up to the base of his spine.  
  
Chris cries out in surprise and jerks his hips forward, eyes snapping open wide as he turns to look at Sebastian over his shoulder – fast enough to get a slight crick in his neck. “What the… I don’t…”  
  
Sebastian lets go of his ass cheeks and rubs soothingly over his hips. “It’s okay, just take a breath for me,” he urges softly. Chris didn’t even realize he was holding his breath. He swallows thickly but follows Sebastian’s instructions, breathing deep, but still staring back at him wide-eyed. “You okay now?” Sebastian asks after a few long minutes. Chris gives a jerky nod even though he isn’t really sure if he’s okay or not. It didn’t hurt, of course, just felt really weird. But mostly, it just shocked the fuck out of him. “I take it you’ve never done this?” he half-asks.  
  
Chris has eaten out plenty of girls – honestly enjoys the hell out of it – and while he’s nowhere near naïve enough to not know what rimming is – he’s seen porn – he never even thought about trying it. “No.”  
  
“If you don’t want me to, you know I won’t…”  
  
“Seb…”  
  
“No, I know,” Sebastian holds up one hand, flashing him a smile. “I was just gonna say that not everyone likes it.” He shrugs one shoulder, resumes rubbing Chris’ hips. “I shouldn’t have just surprised you with it,” he goes on. “If you wanna try now that you know that’s what I’m doing…” he trails off, eyebrows raised.  
  
Chris ignores his first instinct to just totally dismiss the whole thing and thinks about it for a few moments. He can admit that it was mostly just surprise that had him reacting like he did. “Okay.” Sebastian’s eyebrows raise higher and Chris’ cheeks heat even more. “Yeah, I, uh, I wanna try?” He really didn’t mean for that to come out as a question.  
  
“Okay,” Sebastian replies simply, flashing him a smile. “You ready?”  
  
Chris nods then turns his head back around. There’s _no way_ he can watch Sebastian fucking _eating him out_.  
  
Sebastian kisses the small of his back, hands pulling him open. Chris braces himself as best as he can but it’s still a surprise when Sebastian once again drags his tongue along the same path as the first time. Chris closes his eyes, nose wrinkling at the odd sensation. Sebastian repeats the same move once, twice, then licks directly over his hole. Chris’ hips twitch and he can’t help but wonder why people enjoy this. It’s such a weird feeling. But then Sebastian pulls him open wider and Chris feels him push in closer, the tip of his tongue circling around his rim, adding just a hint of pressure. He’s shocked as fuck when it starts to actually feel good, then when it starts to feel _really_ good, a surprised moan tearing from his throat.  
  
“Oh fuck,” he gasps, unable to stop himself from rocking back slightly. Sebastian adds a bit more pressure, still licking around and over his rim and Chris can actually _feel_ when the tight furl of muscle starts to relax and loosen slightly. “ _Fuck_ ,” he repeats emphatically. “God, Seb… feels so good.” Sebastian hums, the sound vibrating through Chris’ entire body. His cock jerks hard, almost hard enough to hurt, pre-come oozing from the slit. “Oh holy fuck,” he groans, fingers curling into fists in the sheet beneath his hands. He loses himself in the feeling, rocking back against Sebastian, unable to stop the litany of moans and curses tearing from his throat. Then Sebastian wiggles the tip of his tongue _inside_ and Chris nearly chokes on a broken moan. “ _More_ , Seb. _Please_. Fuck, baby, _please_.” He honestly had no idea this would feel that damn good.  
  
Sebastian shifts his hold, carefully, slowly pressing one long finger in next to his tongue. It doesn’t really hurt, just feels a bit weird. But then again, Sebastian’s tongue felt weird at first too so Chris gives it a few minutes. Sebastian quirks his finger slightly as he pulls it out, the pad rubbing along his inner walls. He gasps when Sebastian brushes against what has to be his prostate – he remembers how crazy it drove Sebastian when he hit that spot – his hips jerking, cock twitching again.  
  
“ _There_ ,” he blurts out, surprised at how breathless he sounds. “Fuck, right there, Sebastian. Again, please.”  
  
He has _never_ begged like this during sex but he can’t even bring himself to care how desperate and needy he sounds.  
  
Sebastian rubs over that sweet spot every other thrust, tongue still circling around his rim. It doesn’t take long for Chris to half-beg, half-demand more. The second fingers burns a little but it isn’t too bad and fades pretty quickly – Sebastian’s _really_ fucking good at this; granted he has nothing to compare it to but he’s positive that there’s no way anyone else could make him feel the way Sebastian does, make him fall apart so easily.  
  
“ _More_ ,” Chris chokes out once the burn fades completely, leaving him with an oddly addictive full feeling. “God, Sebastian, more.”  
  
Sebastian carefully works in a third finger. The burn is back, a bit worse than before and Chris hisses, tucks his hips in to try and get away from the feeling. Sebastian’s hand goes completely still but he leans over Chris’ back, kisses the nape of his neck. “Shh, easy, baby,” Sebastian murmurs, nuzzling behind Chris’ ear. “You want me to stop?”  
  
The burn is starting to fade again but Chris still feels a bit of a dull ache, the fullness he was enjoying just a few minutes ago now bordering on too much. But weirdly, he doesn’t want to stop, wants more even though he knows if Sebastian’s fingers hurt like this his cock will be worse. “No,” he grits out, jaw clenched.  
  
“Chris…”  
  
“No,” he repeats.  
  
“Then you gotta relax for me. Breathe, sweetheart,” Sebastian urges. Chris can hear the worry, even a tiny bit of panic, in Sebastian’s voice and it makes him feel like shit. He forces himself to breathe – honestly, he didn’t even realize he was holding his breath again – focuses on relaxing his muscles – his entire body locked up tight, not just his inner muscles. “That’s it, Chris. Doin’ so good for me, baby.” It still kind of surprises him how much he enjoys hearing Sebastian’s whiskey-rough yet silky-smooth voice calling him baby or sweetheart.  
  
He lifts his head, blinks his eyes open slowly and looks back at Sebastian over his shoulder. The ache has faded pretty much completely, leaving behind the fullness, which once again feels good instead of overwhelming. “I’m okay,” he rasps.  
  
Sebastian keeps his fingers buried in him but quirks them just barely, presses against his prostate. Chris moans, his cock jerking. “I know I agreed not to keep askin’ but… are you sure you don’t wanna stop?”  
  
“I’m sure.” Chris turns his head a bit more, tilts his chin up. “Kiss me?” he half-asks. Sebastian licks his lips, both eyebrows raising. At first Chris doesn’t get it, unsure why Sebastian hesitates, but then he remembers where Sebastian’s lips and tongue just were. He’s shocked as fuck to realize he doesn’t care. “Kiss me,” he repeats, more of a demand than a request this time.  
  
Sebastian hesitates for another few seconds then leans forward, brushes a lightening-quick peck to his lips. Chris growls and shifts his weight to one hand – gasping a little when the movement makes Sebastian’s fingers press harder against his prostate – and twists around a bit, grabbing the back of Sebastian’s neck, holding him still while he kisses him, tongue darting past Sebastian’s lips when he gasps. He can taste himself – dark, salty, a bit musky – surprised when it makes his cock jerk again, more pre-come dripping onto the sheet beneath him. Seems as if he might be a bit more kinky than he ever realized and Sebastian brings it out of him.  
  
He pulls back after a few minutes, stares into Sebastian’s lust-dark eyes. “Fuck me,” he breathes. “Want your cock in me. _Now_.”  
  
Sebastian leans in, crashes their lips together again. This time he’s the one who pushes to deepen it, his fingers rubbing and pressing _hard_ against Chris’ sweet spot. Chris moans harshly into the kiss, fingers flexing against the back of Sebastian’s neck. “Almost,” Sebastian rasps against his lips. “Promise, okay. Just a little longer.”  
  
“Hurry,” Chris pants.  
  
Sebastian nips his bottom lip when he pulls away, grabs the abandoned bottle of lube next to Chris’ knee. Chris shivers a bit when Sebastian pours some of the slightly chilly lube directly over his hole. It fades quickly though when Sebastian pulls his fingers out, twists his wrist a bit as he thrusts them back in, the slide smoother. It makes Chris’ breath hitch, his back arching, tilting his hips up and back, his legs sliding open even wider – enough to feel a bit of a stretch along his inner thighs, the sensation just adding to the steadily mounting pleasure. He drops his head again, a low moan rumbling in his chest when he feels Sebastian lean over him again, kissing the back of his shoulder, the nape of his neck as his fingers push in deep, pressing right against his prostate and it’s just _too much_.  
  
“Seb,” Chris breathes. “You gotta… I can’t… Too close,” he finally manages to choke out. “Please, baby, now.”  
  
Sebastian kisses the nape of his neck again, nuzzles through his hair. “Okay,” he agrees quietly. It could be Chris’ imagination but Sebastian sounds just as wrecked as he feels. Chris isn’t prepared for the empty feeling when Sebastian slowly pulls his fingers away, his nose wrinkling, an involuntary unhappy noise escaping his lips. Sebastian runs his hand up and down Chris’ spine, murmurs, “I’m sorry, I know. Just a few more seconds.” Chris barely hears the sound of the condom wrapper opening over the blood rushing in his ears. Then Sebastian’s hand is back, rubbing over his hip this time. “Take a deep breath for me and relax, okay?” Chris nods, takes a deep breath, lets it out slow when he feels the head of Sebastian’s cock pressing against his rim. “Again,” Sebastian instructs softly. Chris once again complies.  
  
By shear force of will Chris keeps taking deep breaths, forces himself to stay as relaxed as possible but it isn’t easy. It burns, hurts slightly but in a weird way; he kind of wants to push into it and pull away from it at the same time. Sebastian keeps a steady, even but slow pace, pausing a few times to give Chris a chance to adjust. Logically he knows it takes a minute or two at most but it feels so much longer. Just when he gets to the point that he really doesn’t think he can take anymore, Sebastian stops, buried to the hilt. Chris lets out a shuddering breath, his entire body shaking. Sebastian keeps his hips still but leans over, chest pressing against Chris’ back, one arm around his waist, rubbing up and down his stomach and chest, his side and hip, everywhere he can touch without moving.  
  
“Y’okay?” Sebastian rasps against his ear, his voice strained. Chris can’t be completely positive but he thinks Sebastian is shaking as well.  
  
“Yeah,” Chris breathes. He really is. The slight ache has let up, leaving behind just a bit of the burning stretch that he is really kind of starting to enjoy and that full feeling that he _really_ enjoys. It’s ridiculous and cheesy and so cliché it kind of hurts but he has never in his life felt so close to someone during sex, never felt the kind of connection that he does with Sebastian. It was there their first night together but there was so much going on in Chris’ head that he realizes now that he missed a lot of what was really going on outside of the physical aspects. He tilts his head back against Sebastian’s shoulder, his eyes closing, a smile curling up his lips when Sebastian brushes a kiss to his temple, the arc of his cheekbone. For as much as he’s feeling in that moment it still feels like there’s something missing. Unsure what it could be, Chris focuses inward, paying attention to what his body wants. “Move,” he whispers. Sebastian nuzzles the side of his face, his arm tightening around Chris’ waist. “Please, Sebastian.”  
  
Chest still plastered to Chris’ back, Sebastian pulls his hips back then thrusts forward. It’s such a weirdly, startlingly intimate sensation, feeling Sebastian moving _inside_ of him but after the second thrust Chris realizes that it was exactly what was missing.  
  
Sebastian sets a steady pace and rhythm that Chris easily picks up, rocking back against every roll of Sebastian’s hips. He changes the angle just slightly, nails Chris’ sweet spot and Chris nearly chokes on a broken moan. His arms threaten to give out so he drops down onto his forearms. The position arches his back deeper, tilts his ass higher, once again completely changing the angle. Sebastian sits up, hands curling tight around Chris’ hips, picks up a bit of strength and speed behind each thrust. Chris instantly misses the warm weight against his back but the change in angle and pace feels fucking amazing.  
  
“Fuck, more,” he hears himself moan harshly, pushing back against Sebastian as hard and fast as he can.  
  
Sebastian instantly complies, their skin slapping together hard enough to almost sting, the headboard honest-to-God hitting the wall – Chris has never had headboard-banging sex before and it makes him oddly proud about the fact that they managed it now.  
  
Sebastian snaps his hips, hard and fast, pushing in deep, angled perfectly to hit Chris’ prostate. Chris groans, pushes himself back up onto his shaky arms, looks back at Sebastian over his shoulder. His already ragged breath hitches in his chest, warmth pooling in both his heart and groin. He’s always known Sebastian was gorgeous but seeing him like this, flushed with pleasure, tan skin covered in a fine sheet of sweat, blue eyes dark, heavy-lidded, it’s almost indescribable. He’s _beyond_ beautiful. Shame floods him, his eyes burning, throat tightening when he thinks about that first night. His head was such a fucking mess that although he knew already, he wasn’t able to see just _how_ beautiful Sebastian is – inside and out – didn’t realize what an amazing, special gift was given to him. He was such a fucking idiot and an asshole. He’ll forever be grateful that Sebastian is so fucking sweet and forgiving. The thought that he could have lost this, lost _him_ , twists his stomach into knots. He’d been trying so hard to keep all those thoughts and feelings at bay, knew that if even the slightest bit trickled in he’d break wide open.  
  
Shifting his weight to one arm, he turns as best as he can, flailing back to try to touch any part of Sebastian he can reach. “Seb, please,” he whispers, voice cracking. “I… please…”  
  
Sebastian’s eyes widen, fill with panic. “Shit, Chris.” He tightens his hands on Chris’ hips, slowly pulls back, pulls _out_ , which makes everything _so_ much worse, makes Chris whimper, still scrambling to try and get his hand on Sebastian. “Fuck, I’m sorry, baby. Just hold on for me,” Sebastian mutters as he crawls up the mattress. As soon as he’s close enough, Chris pushes himself up so that he’s kneeling, throws both arms around Sebastian’s waist, buries his face in the warm curve of Sebastian’s neck. He feels Sebastian flinch in surprise but he recovers quickly, wraps his arms around Chris, pulls him close, one hand cradling the back of his head. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he repeats. “Are you okay? Let’s get you off your knees, hm? C’mon, Chris, move for me, sweetheart.” Chris shakes his head even though he’s still hiding in the crook of Sebastian’s neck. He doesn’t even care when the tears start. He’s never been one of those guys who is ashamed to cry. Hell, he openly admits that he’s a big cry-baby. “You’re freaking me out,” Sebastian whispers, his voice wobbling, strained. “Please talk to me, tell me what’s wrong?”  
  
Chris tilts his head a little, nuzzles under Sebastian’s jaw. “I’m okay,” he chokes out.  
  
“You… You’re crying and shaking, Chris. That’s _not_ okay.” Sebastian sounds _gutted_ and it twists Chris’ stomach even more. God, he just keeps fucking everything up. He takes a few deep, shuddering breaths then pulls away just enough to look at Sebastian. “Oh, baby,” Sebastian breathes, voice hitching. Even as his own eyes fill with tears, Sebastian reaches out and tries to wipe Chris’ away.  
  
“I… I just wanted… needed to touch you,” Chris rasps after a few moments, “to get closer. But w-when I looked back at you… You’re so beautiful and I couldn’t stop the memory of what I did t-to you… I almost lost you…”  
  
“Chris, no,” Sebastian whispers, palming his cheek. Chris closes his eyes, leans into the touch. He’s kind of amazed Sebastian was able to understand his blubbering.  
  
He doesn’t resist when Sebastian gently urges him to lie down. His eyes snap open once his head hits the pillow, automatically reaching for Sebastian and pulling him down as well. They end up pressed together as close as possible, limbs tangled, clinging to each other. “I can’t…” Chris cuts himself off, stares into Sebastian’s eyes, fingers shaking as he brings his hand up, tracing Sebastian’s face.  
  
Sebastian catches his hand, presses a kiss to the tip of each finger, his palm. “First, are you… Did I hurt you, at all?”  
  
“No,” Chris replies honestly, brow furrowed. “It, uh, it was amazing. I just wanted to be closer, to be able to touch you, kiss you.”  
  
Relief floods Sebastian’s eyes and he leans in, kisses Chris’ furrowed brow. “Okay,” he breathes. “Okay, that’s good. Can you tell me again what upset you?”  
  
“I… I was such an asshole to you after… after that first time,” Chris whispers. Sebastian frowns, shakes his head. Chris goes on before he can say anything. He needs to get all this out. “I was already so far gone over you, already loved you so much, that it scared the hell out of me. But I couldn’t even admit it to myself.” He gets angry at himself all over again, a frown pulling down his lips. “I almost… Fuck, I almost lost you before I even really had you, almost fucked up _everything…_ ”  
  
“Chris, stop,” Sebastian murmurs, once again trying to wipe away the fresh tears that keep falling. “I know you freaked out. We talked about this earlier…”  
  
“Freaking out is no excuse for me treating you like shit.”  
  
“You didn’t treat me like shit.” Chris scoffs. “You didn’t,” Sebastian insists. “You’re angry with yourself, beating yourself up over something that didn’t even happen, sweetheart. I think… I think you’re _so_ angry that you’ve convinced yourself it was worse than it was.”  
  
“You’re just too forgiving,” Chris grumbles. “Too sweet to call me on my bullshit.”  
  
“You know I love you, _so much_ , but I won’t let you walk all over me because of it.” Sebastian brushes a kiss to Chris’ down-turned lips. “Believe me, Chris, if you’re being a dick, I won’t hesitate to point it out.”  
  
Chris still doubts that.  
  
“Also,” Sebastian goes on, his tone soft, warm, so full of love. “You were never even _close_ to losing me. I… I’ve been yours practically since the day we met. I just never thought you’d take me up on the offer.”  
  
Warmth floods Chris’s whole body, along with a fresh wave of arousal. He tightens his hold, tries to pull Sebastian even closer, although it really isn’t possible. “Want you,” he breathes, grabbing a fistful of silky-soft, dark hair, uses the hold to pull Sebastian into a heated, needy kiss. “Need you,” he moans against Sebastian’s lips. “Can we please go back to the fucking now?”  
  
Sebastian chuckles, a low, throaty, positively filthy sound that goes right to Chris’ cock, has him rock-hard again. “Of course, baby, if that’s what you want.” Chris hums in agreement, too preoccupied with kissing and nipping Sebastian’s plump, beautiful lips. “Turn back over for me?” he murmurs.  
  
Chris pulls away from that tempting mouth just enough to look into Sebastian’s eyes. “Can we… I want…” he stammers, cheeks flushing hot again.  
  
“Whatever you want, it’s yours, just gotta tell me.”  
  
Chris wiggles away from Sebastian enough to roll onto his back, knees bent, feet flat on the mattress, legs spread wide. “Like this?” he half-asks.  
  
Sebastian’s eyes darken even more. “If that’s what you want,” he rasps, tone low and gritty and sexy as fuck.  
  
“Wanna be able to touch you, hold you, kiss you.”  
  
Sebastian dips down and crashes their lips together again in a bruising, nearly violent kiss. Chris moans and wraps his arms around Sebastian as he crawls between Chris’ legs, neither of them ending the kiss. Chris feels Sebastian lean to the side, hears him tear open another condom wrapper – he didn’t even realize he’d pulled the other one off. “Hold on,” Sebastian murmurs as he pulls back, glancing down and quickly rolling on the condom.  
  
Chris takes the few seconds that Sebastian’s busy to admire Sebastian’s gorgeous fucking body – firm, lean muscles flexing beneath soft, tan skin, broad shoulders and chest tapering down to a lean waist and hips, his long, thick cock – the tips of his fingers following the same path as his eyes, his own pale flesh a perfect, stunning contrast to Sebastian’s honey-tan skin. When Chris finally drags his gaze back up to Sebastian’s face, his cheeks flush hot – _again_ , never in his life has someone made him blush like Sebastian can – when he finds Sebastian staring right back at him, obviously catching Chris hungrily checking him out. But Sebastian just smiles that big, bright smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes and scrunches his nose; Chris’ absolute favorite of Sebastian’s smiles. He dips down for one more quick kiss before pushing back into Chris in one steady, even thrust.  
  
Chris is honestly surprised how different it feels like this. It takes a few moments to get adjusted to being so full again, Sebastian staying perfectly still, weight braced on his knees and his forearms where they’re pressing into the mattress on either side of Chris’ head, fingers lightly carding through Chris’ hair. “Move, Seb, please.” Sebastian pulls back, almost all the way out, then snaps his hips forward, burying himself deep, angled perfectly. Chris moans, fingers digging into the flexing muscles of Sebastian’s back. Sebastian repeats the same move once, twice, then falls into a steady rhythm, building up a bit of strength and speed. “Oh, God… Fuck yeah, just like that. Feels so good, baby,” Chris moans, his back arching.  
  
Sebastian slides his arms beneath Chris, hands curled over the tops of his shoulders, their bodies pressed together as close as possible, Chris’ achingly hard, leaking cock trapped between the sweat-slick press of their stomachs. Sebastian dips down and Chris lifts up, meeting in the middle for a quick, dirty-hot kiss. “God, Chris,” Sebastian groans, fingers tightening in the muscles of Chris’ shoulders. “So hot, so tight… Feel so fuckin’ amazing, sweetheart.”  
  
Chris rolls his hips up as best as he can, meeting Sebastian thrust for thrust, short, blunt fingernails dragging down Sebastian’s back. He’s _so close_ , teetering on the edge of release. He needs _more_ , he just isn’t sure exactly what he needs more _of_.  
  
“Seb,” he breathes, staring into Sebastian’s eyes, all the self-doubt, self-consciousness, anxiety about being so vulnerable, so open and striped-raw has faded away. He can admit he was terrified to let himself get this deep, to basically rip out his still-beating, slightly damaged heart and lay it at Sebastian’s feet. Acknowledging that fear then pushing past it, doing what he was so afraid of feels awesome, is freeing in a way he never felt before. “Need more.”  
  
“What d’ya need?” Sebastian pants. “Give you anything, just gotta tell me.”  
  
“I don’t… I don’t know. Just… _More_.”  
  
Sebastian brushes a quick, chaste kiss to his lips then pulls back until he’s kneeling. Chris’ eyes widen when Sebastian grabs his legs and drapes them over those broad shoulders, fucking into him hard and fast.  
  
“Oh,” Chris breathes softly, still staring up at Sebastian wide-eyed, unable to look away. Then Sebastian leans forward, planting his hands on either side of Chris’ head, pretty much bending him in half. He has just enough time to fleetingly think that he’s really grateful that he’s pretty flexible, to register the slight strain along his thighs – which surprisingly just adds another layer to the pleasure coursing through his entire body – and the slight quiver of his abs then Sebastian pulls back, snaps his hips forward harder and faster than he has yet, nailing Chris’ prostate perfectly. Chris’ eyes slam closed, back and neck arching as much as possible, arms dropping heavily to the mattress, his fingers curling into fists in the sheet. “Oh, holy fuckin’ _shit._ ” Chris moans hoarsely, his entire body lighting up with pure pleasure.  
  
“’s feel good, Chris? ‘s this what you needed?” Sebastian rasps. Chris can merely moan in response. “Open your eyes, look at me.” Chris forces his eyes to reopen, locking instantly with Sebastian’s. “Talk to me. Tell me,” Sebastian urges, soft and breathy.  
  
“Feels so fuckin’ good,” Chris somehow manages to reply. “Fuck, Sebastian…” Chris lets go of the sheet, reaches up and grabs Sebastian’s biceps. Sebastian leans forward a bit more and Chris can’t stop the whimper that escapes his lips at the added strain on the back of his thighs. He lets go of one arm, grabs the back of Sebastian’s neck, lifts up and slams their lips together. They’re both panting, moving against each other, the kiss ending up being messy, kind of off-center, bordering on violent but fucking _perfect_. “Fuck me hard,” Chris half-growls into the kiss, biting Sebastian’s bottom lip hard enough that Sebastian grunts, hisses at the sting.  
  
Sebastian ends the kiss but doesn’t lean back, keeps the pressure on Chris’ legs, his abs quivering even more, the rest of his body starting to tremble again as well. He rocks up into each thrust as best as he can, which isn’t very much, honestly. But Sebastian doesn’t seem to mind, just locks eyes with Chris and lets loose, fucking him hard, fast, pushes in as deep as possible. “Like this?” he rasps.  
  
“Just like that. _Fuck_ , don’t stop… Please don’t stop.”  
  
“You close?”  
  
“So close,” Chris breathes.  
  
“Touch yourself, Chris. Wanna see you stroke your beautiful fuckin’ cock, watch you make yourself come for me, baby.”  
  
A loud, harsh moan tears from Chris’ throat before he even touches himself. Along with the sweet endearments, Chris _really_ likes the dirty talk. Yet another thing that’s different with Sebastian.  
  
Chris drops his right hand, fingers curling around the base of his cock before Sebastian even finishes speaking. He hisses at his own touch, back arching slightly. He truly doesn’t think he’s ever been this hard in his entire life – not even as a horny teenager just discovering what his dick is for, not even when he was buried deep inside Sebastian’s tight, perfect heat, which is saying something because fucking Sebastian was the best lay he’s ever had. He groans as he tightens his fingers and strokes once from base to tip, rubs his thumb over the tip, smearing through the copious pre-come leaking from his slit. Fuck, he’s also never gotten this wet before either. God, the fucking things Sebastian does to him.  
  
He digs the fingers of his other hand into Sebastian’s bicep, forces himself to keep his eyes open as he starts to jerk himself off no matter how tempting it is to close them. He’s already addicted to the way Sebastian looks at him, beautiful blue eyes lust-dark and full of emotion, staring straight down into Chris’ heart, his very soul, like Chris is something precious. No one has ever looked at him the way Sebastian does. In a way it kind of scares the shit out of him. He doesn’t really believe he’s entirely worth all that emotion and he’s scared he’ll end up letting Sebastian down, end up disappointing him. But at the same time, he kind of really loves it, wants to do whatever it takes to deserve Sebastian, to keep him looking at Chris like that for the rest of forever.  
  
“Yeah, just like that, Chris,” Sebastian murmurs.  
  
Chris’ legs twitch against Sebastian’s shoulders when he presses down on the sensitive tip with his thumb, rubbing over his slit again. “Want… wanna feel you come, too, Seb,” he pants.  
  
“’m right there with you,” Sebastian rasps. Chris picks up the pace of his hand, a deep moan rumbling in his chest. Sebastian leans forward again, brushes a kiss to Chris’ lips. Chris groans in protest when Sebastian keeps it sweet and chaste. He _loves_ kissing Sebastian. “So beautiful,” Sebastian breathes when he pulls back. He shifts his weight to one hand, the other one cupping Chris’ cheek, thumb rubbing over his cheekbone then his lips. “Love you, so much.”  
  
It’s so terribly cheesy and sappy, the worst kind of cliché but like everything else, it’s different with Sebastian. He’s said the words several times already tonight – said it that first disastrous night as well – but for some reason, this time it hits Chris like a punch to the gut while simultaneously pushing him even closer to the edge. “Love you, too,” he whispers back. He unclenches the hand on Sebastian’s bicep, reaches up and cups Sebastian’s face, mirroring Sebastian’s feather-light touches. He twists his wrist on the upstroke, right beneath the thick ridge of his cock-head. “Seb… Oh, fuck. Gonna… Gonna come.”  
  
“Do it, baby,” Sebastian urges, a mix between a plea and a command. “C’mon, come for me.”  
  
Sebastian thrusts harder, faster, hitting Chris’ sweet spot perfectly at the same time that Chris twists his wrist again, rubbing his palm over the sticky-wet tip. Chris moans when Sebastian sits back a bit, taking a little of the pressure off his legs. Sebastian rubs the outside of his thighs, the inside, up over his hips, hands in constant motion. It’s a small gesture but at the same time it’s comfort, expanding their connection. It all combines to push Chris off the razor-sharp edge he’s been hovering on.  
  
Chris cries out a few moments later, whole body trembling as his cock jerks, pulses of his release streaking his stomach and chest. He manages to keep his eyes open, gaze locked on Sebastian. He’s glad he was able to, can see the way Sebastian’s expression changes when he comes then watches how it changes again when his own orgasm hits. Sebastian groans, fingers flexing against Chris’ thighs as his rhythm goes completely erratic, hips jerking, shaking as he pushes in deep. Chris is still kind of dazed from his own climax but he swears he can feel Sebastian’s cock twitch inside him. He has the fleeting thought of what this would feel like without the condom, Sebastian’s release pumping into him instead of a rubber. It’s something that he suddenly really, really wants to experience. He makes a mental note to bring it up once they’ve been together longer. Hell, he’s okay with ditching right now honestly. Sebastian is _it_ for him.  
  
Chris blinks, his attention snapping back to Sebastian – he didn’t realize he’d gotten so lost in his own head – when he turns his head and presses a kiss to the inside of Chris’ knee, a small smile curling up his lips when their eyes catch. He groans softly when Sebastian carefully lowers his legs back to the mattress – he’s going to be feeling _that_ tomorrow. His nose wrinkles and he makes a soft, unhappy noise when Sebastian pulls back, his softening cock slipping from Chris – okay, he doesn’t like that empty feeling _at all,_ this time even worse than when it was just Sebastian’s fingers.  
  
Sebastian dips down and brushes a quick kiss to his lips then pulls away. Chris watches him as he heads across the hall to the bathroom, a smile curling up his lips when Sebastian comes back with a warm, wet wash cloth. Chris reaches up, unable to stop himself from carding his fingers through Sebastian’s sweat-damp hair as he gently but thoroughly cleans Chris up. Sebastian wipes himself off and tosses the cloth on top of the hamper in the corner then crawls back into bed with Chris. Sebastian settles on his back and Chris automatically turns toward him, pressing up against his side. Chris stretches slightly as he tangles his legs around Sebastian’s, slides his arm across his stomach, a low groan rumbling in his chest. His whole body is pleasantly sore and he’s definitely going to be feeling it for at least a day, maybe two.  
  
Sebastian palms the back of his head, dips down and kisses his forehead. “Y’okay?”  
  
“Mmm, so good,” Chris hums, tilts his head enough to nuzzle under Sebastian’s jaw. Chris closes his eyes, tightens his arm around Sebastian. “Can you stay?” he asks softly.  
  
“Got nowhere to be ‘til we start filming,” Sebastian murmurs, his other hand rubbing up and down Chris’ back. “So I can stay as long as you’ll have me.”  
  
Chris presses a kiss to Sebastian’s pulse, forces aside all the doubt and insecurity and anxiety that constantly fill his brain. “How ‘bout forever?” he whispers.  
  
Sebastian tightens his arms around Chris. “Are you sure?”  
  
“If you are, yes.”  
  
Sebastian pulls back just enough to look down at him, the smile on his face the biggest, brightest, most beautiful one yet. “Forever it is then.”


End file.
